Unconditional Surrender
by Momeegee
Summary: Emily realizes she has lost her chance to tell JJ of her true feelings, and becomes psychologically unstable and reckless in the safety of her well being at work. What will it take before JJ realizes that Emily has always loved her unconditionally.
1. Chapter 1

UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER

Author's Note - Alrighty people, this is my very first fanfiction, I hope somebody out there likes it. Please review on what is going good and what I might improve on. Be gentle. Thanks again. ^_^ rated M possibly for future chapters.

Chapter One

"You two look cute together"

It was a mistake; it wasn't what I meant to say. My heart said 'I love you, I love you Jennifer Jareau, from the moment I laid my eyes on you', my thoughts said I was happy that you didn't choose him. But it was too late. I couldn't take it back, I was a coward for not being able to admit my feelings. Like so many people in my world, I assumed you wouldn't accept me for who I really was, why would it suddenly change with you, you showed interest in him, I never understood what it was, was he getting brownie points for being so persistent.

You are absolutely gorgeous, you could have anyone you wanted and you chose detective droopy eyes. So many nights I dreamt of telling you my feelings, and in those dreams you returned them back, but I knew it was just a dream.

As I saw you race around the desk, it was like it was happening in slow motion, why did all the bad things always seem to happen in slow motion I thought. As I blinked I couldn't place my eyes on you anymore, perhaps ever again, as you kissed him, I felt my heart ache, an overwhelming pain in my chest, and at the same time I was almost disgusted with you. How could you place those luscious lips of yours on his? I unconsciously clenched my jaw and balled my fists. I couldn't bare to watch as I rolled my eyes and walked away.

"Finally, what's it been, like a year" Reid scoffed behind me, my mind repeated 'finally… a year... a year... a year' I felt my heart shatter.

I wanted to forget, I wanted to just be alone, I just wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and a part of me wished I had never met you, if only to take this unbearable pain away.

"Hey, wanna go for a drink?" Morgan asked.

I blinked, taking a glance at Derek. "Tch, yeah, I could really use one" I forced a smile and followed him back to the hotel.

At the bar.

The case was a hard one, it felt like they all seemed to be getting worse. Derek was talking about something, but I didn't hear, he was extremely talkative for some reason, probably processing the case, giving his mind closure by voicing it out. I downed what was my umpth shot, I lost track awhile back, the liquid burned my throat, then my sinuses, I shut my eyes and breathed out heavily through my mouth to ease the burn. I motioned to the bartender for another as I tapped the glass on the counter.

"Easy there Prentiss" Derek commented as he took a sip of the beginning of his second beer. I gave him an unreadable glance as I grabbed for the shot the bartender had just poured. 'Whatever' I thought, 'what does it matter, who cares…what was I suppose to be not caring about?' Things started to become numb, I was quite buzzed, my eyes started to feel heavy as I pushed the shot around on the table in a mindless circular motion on the counter.

"It was a bad case, but we've had worse…" Derek said as he took a quick once over my profile and then starred blankly at the bar. I glanced over at him as he went quiet, then looked back at my shot. I held it up to my mouth tilting my head back, shooting it down a bit more slowly as I closed my eyes. I swallowed hard, leaning forward placing the glass down at the same time. The room started to spin and I could feel my cheeks warming up. "What's going on? And don't tell me nothing is wrong, something is up" Derek sipped at his beer again glaring at me with one eye as he did.

"…" I tapped the glass for another. "I don't know what you are talking about". I watched the bartender head over with the bottle. "No, no more" Derek turned the glass over, eyeing the bartender, his expression told him that I was finished. "Hey, I'm not done yet" I slurred, buzzing hard now. " There is definitely something going on, I have never seen you drink this much". Sigh. I didn't want to talk about it, I could barely place my thoughts together as it was. 'Good enough' I thought, "I'm going to bed" I muttered.

I slid off the bar stool, he grabbed my arm, but I didn't look at him, I could feel his eyes on me, I could see him trying to read me. "You're right, I think I drank too much", I pulled my arm away, slightly surprised that he let it loose, and I staggered toward the exit.

He must have been tired because he didn't press on, unfortunately I knew he wouldn't let this go, probably check to see how I was when morning came. Just get through tonight, I thought, as I constructed the walls stronger and higher then ever before.

It felt like I had only blinked before I became aware that I was sprawled across my hotel bed. My eyes were so heavy, I couldn't think straight, the room was spinning and the darkness engulfed me, take me far far away, and let me forget. I felt a single tear form upon my eye and then sleep.

BRANG BRANG BRANG BRANG

"Ugh" groaning, I reached up blindly over my head towards the nightstand as my phone alarm went off. Slowly turning my head towards the window, a dim light coming through as I slowly opened my eyes. Surprisingly I slept sound, no dreams that I could recollect, the alcohol must have worked, as a slow pounding made its way behind my eyes. I licked my lips, my mouth horrendously dry. I groaned again as I squinted at the phone to see that it was 6 am, we would have to be all packed up and ready to head for the plane back to Quantico for 7.

I rolled myself out of bed, and staggered toward the shower. I stood under the cold water and leaned my head against the tile below the showerhead. Starting to remember the night before, seeing JJ running away from me, towards Will. I started shoving my shattered heart into a box. I started compartmentalizing, all my thoughts, all my feelings, void of any emotion, until Emily was gone, and all that was left was Agent Prentiss. I started to place all my thoughts into my job, 'you have a job to do, get your stuff packed'. As I started to rinse off I focused on where the articles of personal belongings were located.

Then I saw her again, JJ's back as she ran away from me, I started to place her in a compartment with all the rest of the people in my life that had left me behind. Soon JJ was shoved in a box along with my father who died leaving me behind at a young age, to be left with my mother who I resented and was never there for me, until I felt nothing at all.

You have always been alone, what made you think anything would change with her? The pain in my chest became all too familiar as I embraced it. What made you think you would deserve anything at all? Happiness? Love? The voice in my head began mocking me. I swear I heard it laughing at me. What are you stupid or something? Pathetic, abandoned, nobody loves you. Why did you bother hoping? Letting her in. Of course she left you, who wouldn't.

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my eyes, I felt my fingers starting to wrinkle under the water and I decided it was the end of my shower. 6:12 am, I started to gather my clothing, looking at each piece intently as I worked hard to focus on thinking about nothing. Nothing, exactly what you are. Groan.

I got myself dressed, as I looked at the reflection in the mirror, it was like I was looking at a stranger, 'Agent Prentiss'. My eyes looked somewhat dull for some reason, Emily was gone, placed in a box, and shoved into a corner, hidden and alone in the dark. The ache in my chest subsided as I looked down at my side arm on the dresser.

I don't know how it happened, the reflection in the mirror held it up to my head, a smirk glaring back at me. I blinked, did I imagine it, no, it was in my head. Somewhere inside Emily was hurting, but no one could see her. She was crying, but no one could hear her. I closed my eyes as the pain changed into a feeling of ecstasy. I embraced it, as much as it hurt it was familiar, 'coward'. Yes… I was a coward. I was embracing the pain now, instead of risking the uncertainty of taking a chance on life… on love. The safety was on, some part of my mind told me this. Agent Prentiss pulled the trigger.

'CLICK'

And somewhere inside Emily died.


	2. Chapter 2

AN - sorry in advance, this update is shorter than I wanted it to be, but it takes me quite awhile to write and read over and over to make sure I'm getting the effect I am trying to achieve. . I have an outline and I am trying desperately to make sure it pans out.

Thank You all for your reviews, it means a lot to me knowing that there is someone out there enjoying this. On with the chapter, ENJOY!

CHAPTER TWO

7:15 AM. Everyone climbed into the jet taking their usual spots. I headed for the one farthest away from JJ's usual seat, facing away from the team. With my best game face on, I made sure to pose a pseudo smile of exhaustion at Derek on the way past his seat, ensuring a facade that I was better than the night prior. It seemed to work, he smirked back at me, then turned his attention to JJ, whom I felt close on my tail. I guess she quickly noticed that I skipped my usual spot across Derek, and from the shuffle behind, I assumed that she took the spot in my absence. Slumping in my newly found chair, I felt well rested and wide awake, but feigned being tired, hoping everyone would just leave me alone. I placed my bag down in the aisle seat, as I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes.

Derek and Reid started making some snide remark at JJ about last night, hearing the name LaMontagne somewhere in the dialogue, there was a slight flutter of ache coming from my chest as I tried hard to drown them out. 'See? She doesn't care about you, she doesn't even notice your absence' …sigh. Just concentrate on clearing your mind, you are not even looking at her, so stop thinking about her. I distinctly hear her voice as she continues conversing with the guys. After a few minutes I opened my eyes and looked out the window, ' Jeez we haven't even left the dock, this is going to be a LONG 4 hours back'.

I felt my heart wrench as I could still hear her sultry voice talking about stupid LaMontagne. Ugh. I grab the phone from my waist and start texting. Hey didn't want to intrude in your talk, can I borrow your iPod?. A moment after sending it I heard Derek's phone beep. JJ seemed to pause for a moment. 'Probably making sure no one misses every bit of her stupid story about her stupid boyfriend'. A few seconds later I felt something tapping against my head, I knew it was Morgan handing over his headphones and player. I grabbed it, silently thanking him as I pulled the noise-cancelling headset over my ears. 'I should get myself a pair of these' I thought, as I calculated the many times I would probably need them to avoid JJ in such close quarters. I didn't even bother turning the player on, I just needed to drown her voice out.

Fifteen or so minutes later and we were up in the air. I was jealous for not being able to converse with the other members of the team, and angry, perhaps even slightly hurt that all their attention was on JJ. I felt a form of resentment grow stronger for the blonde. Having nothing else to do, and being tired of listening to my inner voices of self-deprecation, I let myself nod off.

My neck felt stiff, and it hurt to even move slightly, but I felt a hand patting my thigh. Groaning, I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at the person jostling me. I jumped slightly as I was met with blue eyes peering down at me. I could see the surprise in her eyes as she flinched back from my response. Immediately I pulled the headphones off my head and looked out the window. We were still in the air. Looking back, slightly annoyed at being awaken from my slumber JJ spoke up " We'll be touching down in 10 min". I closed my eyes, rubbed my palm against my forehead and ran my fingers through my hair. "Uh, ok.. thanks" JJ had caught me off guard as my walls quickly scrambled into position. I looked away, concentrating my gaze out the window, as my inner 'Agent Prentiss' personas worked to fence my emotions off.

She sat down, taking the seat adjacent to me. Steadfast, I controlled myself from sneaking a glance at her from the corner of my eye. I struggled to suppress the feeling in my chest as I felt her eyes on me. I focused at packing up Morgan's headphones and iPod. There was an awkward silence, as I reached over to balance the iPod and headset on Derek's clean-shaven scalp. There was a slight contact of his fingers on mine as he confirmed the return of his belongings. I took care again to not look at her as I observed the landing strip coming into clear view.

"Hey" JJ called out to me. I closed my eyes before looking at her, preparing myself. My inner walls still weren't firmly in place. Perhaps my expression was a bit harsher than I thought as a confused look came upon her features. I quickly responded by placing a softer questioning 'mask' on. "How are you? I felt like I haven't talked to you in forev-", "I'm ok" I lied quickly, almost abruptly cutting her off. I felt my face glare at her suspiciously under the mask. There was an awkward pause again as we faced off. I could tell she was trying to read me, unsuccessfully at that, I could see the confused and hurt expression that was reflecting in her eyes. It felt like my heart skipped a beat, some quiet voice in my head said I was hurting her, but at the same time there was some dark side of me that was smirking back.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N - . this one is shorter than the last. Ahhh! But I hope you enjoy it, I am kind of jumping around with the writing, so I have in progress chapters for the whole story outline now, hopefully it will help in ensuring the story flow. Anyway, on with the story.

Exhausted, I trudged through the front door of my condo. The rest of the day had gone well without seeing or thinking about JJ. When we arrived back to HQ, we quickly debriefed the last case and broke for lunch. I made sure to leave before anyone could invite me anywhere and spent it at a secluded cafe. When we had returned everyone busied themselves with catching up on paperwork, and again I made sure I was the first out of the office before anyone could notice.

I threw my go bag to the side, walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. I flopped down on the living room couch and took a big gulp. Placing the bottle down on the coffee table in front of me, I hunched over my elbow on my knees and my head in my hands. I closed my eyes. I was physically and emotionally exhausted but my head was running a mile a minute. I didn't notice it until I had opened my eyes, but my body was rocking slightly back and forth. All the emotions I had suppressed throughout the whole day began to overflow. My sight started to blur. I touched my cheek and felt that it was wet, I realized I was crying.

I stood up briskly, walking over to the wine cabinet. I pulled out the strongest bottle of alcohol I could find. A feeling that I had trained myself to not feel for most of life started to trickle in… I felt vulnerable, I couldn't control my emotions. Since when has Agent Prentiss not been able to keep her feelings under wraps. 'You're weak!' I desperately shuffled with the cap of the bottle, 'no, shut up, shut up, shut up' as the cap finally twisted off I hastily brought the bottle to my lips and chugged gulp after gulp only pausing to breathe for air. Shutting my eyes I concentrated on the burn in my throat, the dryness of the liquid.

The inner turmoil was driving me over the age. I didn't know what to do with myself. The past 36 hours was in instant replay. The sadness of losing JJ to WIll, the depression, the resentment, I felt like I was hating JJ for reminding me what it was like to fall in love… what it was like to be in love, then for making me feel vulnerable altogether. And now I was angry at myself for feeling ANYTHING at all.

I threw the bottle at the wall across the room and it shattered, leaving a large stain on the wall and mess on the floor.

I sunk down sitting on the kitchen floor, my back against the doors of the counter, my knees bent up in front of me. I leaned my elbows on my knees, my palms squeezing the sides of my head.

I wanted it to all just go away, the pain slowly thinned out as my whole physical and emotional being was processing itself for full out compartmentalization. Sadness. 'You were being a coward' Depression 'You were being pathetic' Resentment 'You lost control' Anger 'Get over it already'.

I needed to find an outlet. Slowly I was piecing myself together, focusing and honing all of these feelings into a constructive energy. Focus.

I attempted to regulate my breathing, leaning my head back on the kitchen drawer behind me, 'Get it together', breathing out a few times, I stood up and caught my reflection in the mirror in the hallway across the kitchen island. I stared at myself, I felt like a stranger looking at the reflection.

Pause.

I approached the mirror.

My expression lost.

My eyes scanned over the ragged features.

My hair was frayed, a slight indication of dark under my eyes, I seemed paler than I remember. I glared at the person half angry and half determined.

'Unacceptable' my mind spoke.

I looked into the depths of my own eyes. It all became so surreal. In that moment I felt myself transform. All my emotions, the jealousy, the sadness, the depression, the resentment, the anger and finally the vulnerability suddenly subsided to an eerie calm. My grief for 'Emily' was complete.

My eyes scanned over my apartment, almost as if I was looking at everything in this new view. My eyes focused on a picture frame on a shelf in the living room. Moving swiftly across the room, I picked it up and looked at the group photo of the BAU, myself included. I looked at the face of each of the members who I had once called my family. My eyes eventually falling on Jennifer Jareau's beautiful smile. My expression uncommitted, I traced a finger across her cheek, and somewhere in my mind relayed a message that there was a part of me that loved her, tucked away in a box. I didn't feel bothered by it, it was almost matter of fact. I continued to stare at her. I don't know how long I stood there, but I waited to see if anything else would stir up inside. Nothing.

I placed the frame back in its respectful place, noticing the clock on the wall above. Four hours had passed since I had come home. My body reminded me how exhausted I was, I curled on the couch and closed my eyes. Tomorrow was going to be a new day for Agent Prentiss.


	4. Chapter 4

AN - sorry for the delay peeps, I started getting worked up further ahead in the story and kind of hit what would be called writers block at one point in betweem here ., either way I hope you like it, on with the show! I'll be jumping back and forth between Emily and JJ's POV from here on out

I had woken up the next day feeling like a brand new person. Almost like it was my first day at the BAU. I pulled open the doors to the bullpen walking with a determined stride as I dropped my bag at my desk and hung my suit jacket on the chair. The morning rush trickled in, JJ briskly walked in, briefly making eye contact with me. She froze from her stride, a slight look of confusion fell on her face, my expression was indifferent, the look she wore was as if she didn't know who I was. I raised an eyebrow in response 'what?' my emotions strongly kept in check as I looked at her, she shook herself out of her trance.

"New case" she said, I nodded and turned briskly to follow her to the conference room. She placed a stack of files on the desk in front of her usual spot. I sub-consciously took the chair closest to the door, farthest from the usual seat next to her. My body doing exactly what my mind told me it needed to do to keep myself sane. She seemed to have frowned momentarily before watching everyone else arrive and settle down in their respective seats. Garcia was last to arrive, a few seconds after everyone had already sat down. Without thinking anything of it, she took my empty chair. I saw JJ glance quickly at me one more time before turning her attention to the monitor behind her, clicking the remote in her hand.

"An urgent case made its way on my desk early this morning. 5 women have been found dead after a span of 5 days from the time that the first 2 have been identified as missing, all residents of Michigan." JJ clicked the remote, bringing up pictures of 5 brunettes. " Why did they take so long to call us in" Morgan interjected. "Because their bodies washed up on the shores of Sarnia, Ontario Canada" she called up more pictures of Canadian officials recovering bodies from Lake Huron. "It took locals awhile to identify the women since they weren't Canadian, their bodies being dumped over international waters slowed the process"

"It would be safe to say the unsub is dumping their bodies in Lake Huron, the fact that their bodies washed up in Canada could be a forensic counter-measure. We would then have to assume that they dumped them without caring about weighing them down or having them found. How much time had passed between the discovery of each body?" Reid asked.

"2 were found early on Monday morning, 1 midday Wednesday, 1 early Thursday and the last one Thursday night" JJ announced. Reid commented almost immediately "The fact that they were found so close together, we could probably assume they were all dumped at almost the same time, the movement of the lake causing the bodies to wash up on the shore arbitrarily. Have they been able to investigate a timeline on when this women had gone missing?"

"Today is Friday, they only made the connection late last night from the first two bodies, they were right in assuming the following bodies were also from Michigan after that, we've been called in urgently because the first 2 had been confirmed missing last Saturday and Sunday, information still pending on the other three. At this rate they are extremely worried about more bodies showing up" JJ said quickly.

"Due to the urgency of this case, let's discuss our strategy on the plane. We leave in 15" Hotch spoke firmly as he closed the folder in front of him, standing up briskly and walking to his office. Everyone nodded and hurriedly readied themselves.

On the plane en route to Michigan.

We weren't very well rested from the last case. Everyone pretty much kept to themselves until we settled on the jet. With the urgency of the case everyone took every little second they could to rest up before the big grind.

"All women, all caucasian, all from Michigan. That's a lot of murders from one person in a short span of time. It would be incredibly rare and remarkable if this unsub doesn't have a prior history of violence." Reid piped as soon as he took his seat.

Spreading out a case file on the table across from him added "He's already solidified a signature. At first glance it didn't seem like it, but I noticed a consistency with the deeper slash marks and the stab marks as well. The stabs only occur on the upper half of body, specifically around the shoulders. It seems minuscule but its almost safe to assume he holds his knife pointed downwards in his left hand" I imitated the position with a pen in my left hand.

"I think you're right. He uses a knife in his initial attack. The wounds look like defined marks, all the larger cuts looking very similar. The other smaller cuts seem to be done with a different knife, judging by the depth and the cleanliness of the stroke, it looks more like the work of a scalpel and it looks like he takes his time with these ones." Reid added.

"So he's left handed?" JJ asked.

"Not necessarily. Victim #3 showed almost no evidence of torture. She had fewer cuts and was the only one that was shot. Statistics say people are more likely to consent to someone wielding a knife over a gun. This seems like he might have both." Morgan commented back.

"Twice as likely to comply" JJ added.

I thought quickly back to my prior CIA self defense training. "He could be holding a gun in his right hand at the same time as holding the knife in his left." I motioned again with my hands, pretending to point a gun with my right hand, supporting the bottom of my right hand with the wrist of my left, which was still holding the pen. It was pretty much the same way you would hold a gun and tactical flashlight.

"With victim #3, there were probably less cuts, no signs of torture, because she was already dead. I think his focus is about torturing the victims. Perhaps he had a harder time controlling the situation with the third victim." Reid

Hotch interjected. "When we touch down I think it's important to see how each victim reacted to the unsub, understanding what their personalities were like might be able to give us an idea on where he might be meeting his victims. Each of us, myself, Reid, Morgan, Prentiss and Rossi will each interview one of the victims family. JJ you go to the local PD and set up. We'll meet back an hour and a half after touch down."

We went over a few more details. Once we landed we all hurried to do our parts.

JJ's POV

It's been a couple days. The case was intense, we were having a hard time getting a break, and there was no room for dawdling. And even thought we saw each other for every waking hour, it felt like ages since I last held a non-work related conversation. I couldn't help but feel Emily was intentionally avoiding me. It was a little disheartening actually I still remember the last thing she said to me 'you two look cute together'. As that thought cleared itself I caught myself looking up and desperately searching for her.

I found her next to the coffee pot and starred as she multi-tasked, mindlessly pouring coffee into a mug and intensely looking at a file with her other hand. I frowned slightly, more and more I could see she had placed her internal walls up. She was nothing but professional. The last 2 days of trying to desperately track this unsub, as victim after victim turned up on the shores, had taken its toll on every member of the team.

I savoured one last glance, then sighed out heavily as I looked at the pile of files in front of me. 'I could really use a coffee too', just as I was about to get out of my chair, a mug landed it's way on the space in front of me. Slightly surprised by the pre-meditated gesture, I glanced up just in time to see the back of Emily's figure making it's way out of the office. 'She made me coffee'. Two more files got plopped down on the stack before me. I shook my head, sighed and got back to work.


	5. Chapter 5

AN - just edited some spacing, thanks shax616 for the review and the recommendation, ill make sure to be on the look out for it as i continue writing ^_^

Emily's POV

The next day we finally got a breakthrough in the case thanks to the cooperation of the general public. Someone had tipped off the line of a man who regularly travelled from the docks of Michigan, almost daily, leaving with a female and returning alone. We were preparing to raid his place as we debriefed the police team.

"Suspects like these feed off of their anger, they have nothing to live for" Morgan commented. Emily's eyes flashed quickly as she heard the words. 'they have nothing to live for…nothing to live for' she caught herself quickly as Morgan glanced at her. I looked at the group, and spoke" This will make them unstable and extremely dangerous. If you have to approach him do not do it without backup and be extremely cautious. He has been spiraling downward quickly and will not hold back in taking a cop down".

Reid added "His depression has caused his emotional state to get caught up in the grieving stage, he doesn't feel anything at all, except when he is torturing his victims, this is what he focuses on and now it's all he thinks about. He has nothing to lose, he will try to kill as many as he can before we take him down. It is likely that he always feeds on the fear in his victims. In the case of the 3rd victim, attention to the wounds were minimal and read like signs of defensive wounds. Meaning he took his time with torturing the ones that showed fear or begged for their lives. He doesn't know how to react against someone who doesn't show any fear".

With a few more cautionary comments made, we all geared up for the raid.

We arrived at the suspects place within 15 minutes. As usual Morgan and myself lead the assault on the front entrance. Hotch and Rossi took the back entrance, while Reid and JJ watched the side door for possible escape routes. The local Police made sure to set up a perimeter in the surrounding area in case he got past us.

Hotch gave the order over the radio, Morgan kicked the door in and I followed as we cleared the ground floor in minutes. Hotch and Rossi headed for the basement, while Morgan and myself headed up the stairs. He glanced left then right at the first set of bedroom doors, and then swiftly moved forward. I followed closely and then saw a glint of light from my right.

The unsub had hidden behind one of the open doors. I heard the click of his gun cocking back and could feel the chill of the barrel held against my head. I looked past it and stared straight into his eyes, completely emotionless…fearless. His eyes faltered slightly, he didn't know what it was like to stare down at someone who wasn't afraid of him. 'Do it, I dare you', my mind said, smirking within. "Get back!" he shouted at me, I stepped back slowly, my hands slightly up in a surrendering position. I could see Morgan turning through my peripheral vision. "You don't want to do this man, PUT YOUR GUN DOWN!" Only his gun was partially visible for Morgan to see. The unsub tried to take a glance at Morgan, and when he broke eye contact with me, it felt like my body was in auto pilot, I stepped forward, sidestepping his gun, I felt an explosion of heat and a cold sting graze my cheek, before I knew it my gun was at his chest and simultaneously my fingered squeezed the trigger.

I stood there, frozen in place as I stared down at the unsub, a gurgling sound escaped his lips as he fell on his back, he struggled to look up at me. In a flash Morgan was by his side, he tossed the gun aside and grabbed a piece of clothing close by, placing pressure on the bullet wound.

"Prentiss!…PRENTISS!" I looked at his lips and read the words as he mouthed ' are… you… okay?' I blinked. "….yeh, yeah I'm good", a dark smile within me as I starred down at the unsub.

'He deserved it' the voice in my head hissed at me. All my mind would let me think about was how great it felt when I had pulled the trigger. My mind replayed the last few seconds. My heart raced as I had starred down the barrel, I was excited? It was odd. I remembered placing my gun to his chest, and the joy I felt as his body flinched, then the slow descent as he fell over.

"Unsub down! 2nd floor, I need a medic" Morgan was screaming into his radio piece, and seconds passed as a pair of EMTs ascended the stairs. Feeling slightly crowded I let them fly past me and made my way out of the house.

I felt something wet and warm running down my cheek. I reached up to touch it, looking down at my fingers I starred at the blood, I stood frozen in place just outside the house. His bullet had just grazed me, but suddenly I felt the burning as my body tried to heal itself. It must have looked worse because both JJ and Reid met me with shocked expressions as I looked at them indifferently.

"Are you okay?" JJ wore a true expression of concern. She was about to touch my arm "I'm fine" I answered quickly as I briskly walked past her, with a stride of determination towards another paramedic who looked at me as I approached her. It must have looked bad, because she too gave me a quick look of concern before leading me to one of the ambulances to patch me up. I just needed some space to process what had happened.


	6. Chapter 6

2 months later

JJ's POV

Things between me and Will were smooth and steady. He definitely tries to be a real gentleman about everything. The way he would open doors, and pull out chairs for me. Always trying to be a step ahead of me when I needed something. But slowly that initial puppy love started to disintegrate. He was a nice enough fellow and had a charm of sorts, but I felt my attraction toward him begin to falter. I felt the reasons for wanting to be with him slipping away. And as I reminisced about the gestures he always did, my mind wandered as I began to think of someone who also has been doing the same.

I'm not sure when it started, and perhaps it couldn't be helped. With me spending all my time with Will and Garcia recently hooking up with Kevin, Emily had started to become eerily super efficient at everything. Even at tasks she didn't used to like doing, like paperwork. With no more 'girls only' nights out, Emily seemed to engulf all her said energy at work, so much so that it was like she was reading everyone's minds.

Before I would even realize it, she always had a coffee on my desk at my usual coffee run time, before I even had a chance to thank her, she would be next door skimming through another file. After intense public statements with the press, she would have a bottle of water, lid loosened and sliding into my hand before I realized how dry my throat ways. Her paperwork, which I usually would have to chase her down for, is always complete, alphabetized and sticky noted to death before I return from lunch everyday.

Come to think of it, I've been getting home at decent times as of late. Even the top left drawer of my desk, which I normally bump into and bruise myself on daily basis after lunch is shut. 'Did Emily do all this?' It was 10 min before lunch and as I thought of her, I approached the window of my office that overlooked the bull pen. I searched for her form expecting to see her hunched over her desk desperately trying to finish up work like she did before. She wasn't there.

I scanned the break area quickly and the across the faced of the people still clearing their own desks before heading out. I found her walking by the vertical files, there was an intern that was having issues with one of the drawers. Emily touched the girls hand, and I watched as she said something to her. A pang of jealousy arose within me as I watched her open the cabinet for her. The girl smiled back at her thanking her, she nonchalantly nodded at her, shouted something to Derek and Reid, as she continued her way out the door.

I felt myself unconsciously frown, and I watched surprised as Derek and Reid got ready for break, dropping off files at Emily's desk before leaving. 'Did she offer to do that?' Pouting my lips, I stepped back to my desk and got ready to leave for lunch as well. Taking a glance at the clutter on my desk, my stomach expressed a loud grumble. I decided to just leave it until after I got back. I opened the top left drawer, grabbing my wallet, going through the habitual motion of forcefully pushing it close, it slid close and popped back open slightly, I made a mental note of it as I raced out the door with everyone else.

After lunch

I returned a little earlier than usual, thinking of the large pile of files in my out bin that I had to distribute before everyone came back from lunch. The bullpen was still empty, but the click of the door to my office caught my attention. Emily walked out, gently closing the door behind her. I noticed she carried a large stack of files. I frowned as I watched her deliver the files accordingly to Rossi and Hotch's door, then proceeding to split the case files among the other desks.

I pulled open the doors to the bullpen. I cleared my throat as I approached her desk, where she had already settled herself. She didn't seem to acknowledge me as she furrowed her brow, she looked intensely focused on the case in front of her.

"Hey," I squeaked trying to get her attention. She quickly glanced up at me, "hey," she acknowledged me, a slight smirk in the corner of her mouth, then went back to looking at the case file. "uh,…thanks….for handing out the files" I forced a smile on my face and leaned over a bit trying to get a better look at her. She seemed to pause after my comment. My heart was fluttering, ' why was I so nervous talking to her' she looked like she was thinking, I could see her eyes shift quickly, like she was arguing internally with herself and I caught myself thinking about how beautiful she was as my eyes grazed her features, focusing on her lips as she bit her lower lip out of habit. I couldn't help but think that she was pretending to busy herself, and that she was forcing herself to not look at me. I frowned. "No problem, I know how busy it gets, and I pass by everyone's desk anyway" her pen flurried away as she proceeded on with work.

My attention was broken and I turned around as a loud gaggle of people started to make their way back into the office. I turned back to Emily, but she had disappeared out of her chair, looking around I noticed she had made her way to the break room. Sighing I walked back to my own office. As I opened the door I noticed the neat pile of files in the in box, my drawer was closed, my chair was pulled out slightly and inclined ready to be sat in, and a steaming cup of coffee was awaiting on the center of my desk next to the clutter of files I had abandoned earlier.

And that's how it was, for the following weeks whenever we weren't out on a case, these thoughtful gestures would continue. I would go home, on time, and Emily would be gone 5 min before every break and day end.


	7. Chapter 7

Emily's POV

It's not that I didn't talk to her unless I absolutely had to. My walls were up and strong, I accepted the fact that my feelings for her have not changed, but I accepted even more that I needed to keep my distance. It's what I had to do to keep my own sanity in place. The past months I thought that I could just completely forget about her, but something about her presence always seemed to chip away at my insides…I didn't like it. I didn't like that even the slightest bit of invulnerability could exist.

And that was fine, right? I mean it's not like it was the first time I have had to keep things to myself, that I've had to give up happiness. You're a lone wolf Prentiss. You don't need relationship, relationships just mean an opportunity to get hurt.

When it came to being out on the field I found myself being dangerously on edge. I would take risks that I probably would not have taken before. What normally would have scared me for dear life wasn't there anymore. It was like I didn't care if something happened to me. I had an inkling that Morgan might have noticed, but there was nothing he could prove at this point. On the outside, all it looked like was that was I was excelling in my job.

I spent every ounce of energy I had at work in the office. If I noticed a paper shortage at the printer, I made sure to fill it, if the coffee was running low, I made sure to time it so that I was there brewing a new batch when the pot emptied. It became automatic and eventually routine.

This didn't change when it came to JJ. I made sure I was in and out of her office before she knew it. I made sure my files were done and on her desk to avoid having her come up and ask me. I made sure she had a coffee during her usual time to prevent having to watch her walk down between the desks like a runway model. I even made sure that everyone else's files were submitted along with mine so she didn't have a chance to come out and visit other their desks. It sounded selfish, maybe a little mean, but it had to be done.

Today I ran the same routine as I slipped into her office 7 min before everyone else returned from lunch. I dropped the files from my desk into her in bin. I noticed the usual mess along her desk, her empty coffee cup from this morning, and like always I took it over to the break area, rinsed it and filled it, 2 milks and 1 and a half sugars, just like she always had it. I placed it in the middle of her desk, pushing the top drawer she always seems to leave open and bump into which I noticed from the times we used to come back from lunch together. I turned her office chair for easy access and then I took the large stack of files from her out bin. I frowned as I paused looking at her desk, asking myself why I did the chair and drawer thing. Coffee and files were to keep her off my radar, but the drawer and chair were just a little overkill wasn't it. I shrugged it off and excused it with the possibility of an extreme case of OCD.

Closing her office door behind me, I went into autopilot, walking by Rossi's office then Hotch's, delivering the corresponding files on the door bins. Throwing a few files on Morgan and Reid's desk, I made sure to take a nice hefty pile to keep myself busy. I plopped down at my desk, taking a quick glance in my peripheral, noticing a figure had been standing at the office doors.

As I sat I heard the doors swoosh shut, I quickly got down to the first file in my pile and pulled out a pen. Hearing the strides I could tell it was JJ. 'please don't walk up to me, please don't talk to me', I took a quick glance over the office. 'damn! I'm the only one here'.

"Hey" she sounded unsure of herself, I could tell. I glanced up at her "hey," I forced a slight smirk and then pretended that was I was completely intrigued by the case file in front of me. "Uh…thanks…for handing out the files" she said, forcing a little more assurance in her voice. I sighed internally, 'it's been weeks that I've been doing this and she decides to suddenly thank me now? Wait, is there something else to this?' I unconsciously bit at my lip 'No, I'm just being paranoid, why does she seem nervous, it's not like you really had to try that hard to blow her off, she's been busy with her own life, when has she suddenly had time to notice that you haven't been around. Hurry answer her back, she'll think something is wrong' "No problem, I know how busy it gets, and I pass by everyone's desk anyway" I placed my mind back on track, looking at the case file, I started to quickly make notes.

I heard the door open again, and the sound of talk and laughter. I glanced up as she turned to look at the group arriving through the office doors. I took the opportunity to get out of my chair and grab my own coffee, which was safely across the room and past the large group of people, far far away from my desk.

That's how it was between us and that's how I tried to keep it for the next weeks to come, until what would probably be the most horrible news I could expect happened.


	8. Chapter 8

AN - sorry for any of the confusion, I had to re-upload the last chapters because I was trying to edit something. anyhoot, thanks for all the support, like I tried to mention before thanks shax616 for the writing suggestion, I'll continue to do my best. A shout out to Kat-D11 for being so energetic ^_^, and LastRefuge I don't know if i ever publicly acknowledged you, either way thank you for your support. Thanks of course to everyone following, and to any new followers, I hope you all like my first EVER fanfiction. On with the show.

2 weeks later

"Something is going on Hotch, I can't quite put my finger on it, but that is NOT the Emily Prentiss I knew 3 months ago" Morgan looked out through Hotch's office window and looked at Emily working at her desk.

"She has been on the ball in every case for the last 3 months. There is nothing else to suggest that there is something wrong with her, other than she has been overly efficient during the last cases" Hotch replied.

"Come on man. Did you see what she did to the last unsub? The guy got his leg blown off and his nose was broken, now I've taken down and rough housed my share of unsubs, but is that something you would expect out of Emily?" Morgan commented.

Hotch remained silent. Morgan wasn't sure if he didn't have anything to say on the matter or if he was thinking.

Morgan sighed. "I don't know, there is just something off about her. She just isn't herself" He turned to look back at Hotch.

"For now there is nothing that proves anything is wrong" Hotch replied back, Morgan was about to interject "however… if you start to see signs of instability that could be detrimental to her well being, keep me posted. The last thing I need is another Gideon or Elle." Morgan's shoulders slumped, defeated for now in the concern of his partner. He nodded reluctantly and made his way out of the office, eyeing Prentiss as he made his way back to his desk.

He accidently bumped into JJ along the way. "oh hey… sorry, I wasn't looking". He was thrown of his train of thought. JJ smiled back, "it's alright, I have an announcement, could you get everyone into the conference room?" Derek nodded as JJ continued to walk over to Hotch's office.

JJ POV

I didn't know how it happened. Actually I did know, but how it led to this I couldn't quite explain. I was thinking more and more of breaking it with Will, it wasn't really working, I just didn't see it working in the long run. He was a gentleman, and he would be a great father, but I didn't see my love as being unconditional for him.

A week and a half ago, I missed my menstrual cycle and next thing I knew I was frantically rushing to the drug store and staring at a pregnancy stick in the public washroom. I wasn't sure if I was ready for this, sure I wanted kids, but I didn't want them with Will.

A week ago I made an appointment with my doctor to confirm the news, and now I was in the conference room about to tell my family and closest friends that I was pregnant.

Will was more than ecstatic. Maybe he felt that I was slowly drifting and thought that this would seal the deal. That I was indefinitely going to stay with him, I had to admit I couldn't think about what it would be like to raise a child on my own, let alone with the job I had. It was just all happening so fast, but I had to stay calm. I had to organize and do what needed to be done. First I needed to make sure my work was taken care of, as scared as I was, I had to be responsible, I couldn't let the team down because of my mistake.

I shifted side to side nervously as everyone settled in the conference room they all had curious expressions on their faces, knowing this didn't have to do with a case.

I forced a smile as they all gave me their undivided attention. "As you may all know, this meeting doesn't have to do with a case, but because I have something very important to tell all of you." I paused trying to gauge all of their expressions, they all wore different levels of curiosity in their eyes.

I breathed in, my voice sounding loud amidst the silence. "I'm pregnant" I tried to place the most convincing smile I had after the announcement. Derek, Rossi and Penelope both smiled. Of course they would be happy for me. Hotch, was well Hotch, he wore a slight smug smile on this face, calm as he always was. My eyes quickly glanced over to Emily. She looked like a statue, her expression was blank, but it looked like her mind was running a mile a minute. Her eyes made contact with mine, and she quickly blinked and smiled back at me. Penelope was out of her seat and was about to give me a hug, my eyes were still on Emily and I could read her lips mouth 'congratulations' but her eyes said something else. Before I knew it Derek was giving me a big hug and everyone's voices were drowned together as cheers of congratulation filled the room.


	9. Chapter 9

AN- sorry I should have added this onto end of the last update, but I thought it would be appropriate that the break before the next part be at the end of this piece.

Emily POV

"I'm pregnant" After hearing the words my mind went blank. It's like my mind just overloaded and shut down, then suddenly an overflow of thoughts drowned me. 'She's pregnant…with HIS baby!…' I was so busy keeping my distance from her, reality came crashing down and struck me hard, she was with Will LaMontagne.

I had pushed her away from me and this is what happens. Feeling her eyes on me I looked up into baby blue eyes, she looked tired, a mix of expressions on her face, a look of concern, a search of approval and…fear? She didn't look like the JJ that I knew her to be, usually strong and sure of herself, it looked like she hadn't been sleeping well. I blinked, feeling the awkwardness creeping in, I forced a smile and stood from my chair, huskily speaking realizing how dry my throat had become "congratulations", It came out quite in comparison to the happy uproar from Garcia who was jumping up to hug her.

"I'll be going on maternity leave in 2 months, don't worry my replacement will be here and trained to help out while I am gone" JJ said through the crowd made up by Penelope, Derek and Reid. I just stood in place for a moment, not really wanting to join the group. Our little connection broke as her attention was stolen by the clamor.

I guess there was some small part of me that had hoped it wouldn't work out. It was one thing for her to be with someone, but to get pregnant meant long term, and whatever little hope was left within me, was stripped away.

Just then another agent came in and handed Hotch a file. He flipped through it quickly "I'm sorry to interrupt this happy moment, but it looks like we have another case"

With that said, my posture changed and my mind shook all other thoughts out as Agent Prentiss readied herself to do the only thing that mattered, her job.


	10. Chapter 10

AN – just a note, I may change the rating back to M later on, I'm just not sure about that part of the story later on.

Anyway, please keep the reviews coming, I LOVE reading all of them, and I get super excited every time one pops up, please leave one if you can, tell me how I'm doing or if you are just plain enjoying it so far, suggestions are welcome even though I have a pretty solid outline for the story. FF subscription alerts a exciting, reviews are more exciting.

I noticed a few grammatical errors in the last chapters, and I apologize (insert apologetic bow here) Word processor seems to like to choose "better" words when I type.

For all the faint of heart, I warn you again this is an ANGSTY story, I hope to have you all bawling, lol, well I hope it is a successful enough story to make you feel it. There is still a ways to go with the outline, don't worry the story won't be ending soon.

On with the show!

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><p><strong>Emily's POV<strong>

The case that came in was urgent, what case wasn't, however this one was simple enough. An unsub in the DC area was kidnapping women and was bludgeoning them to death. There had been 3 victims so far in a span of 2 months. All 3 were female, Caucasian early to mid 30's. It was easy enough tracking him down. He was sloppy, the only reason the local PD even called us was for our resources, and it was close enough to Quantico that would we could offer up our help without it costing too much of the taxpayers dollars.

The case couldn't have come at a better time. I've literally been burning out the past 3 months with trying to make it seem like nothing was getting to me. The news of JJ's pregnancy had tipped me over the edge. Not that I couldn't handle myself, but I could feel it in my body, I was physically exhausted. I just needed a break from all of this, JJ going on maternity leave is maybe just what I needed, even though I wasn't the least bit happy about the situation.

It wasn't hard to convince myself that this was truly the end of any chance for me. When I thought about it, my mind would just tell me 'did you expect any less? Its what you have been telling yourself the last 3 months, you really shouldn't be surprised. You've got a job to do. You make everyone else safer and happier, and she belongs in the same lot with the rest of them.'

'You were meant to do what you are good at and nothing else. A talented and successful daughter to show off at your mother's political functions, a CIA agents who spent years of her life undercover pretending to be someone else for the benefit of her country, and now a friend and colleague to lean on. You can only rely on yourself' I remembered the mantra I used to tell myself when I was younger, when I had no one else, 'You can only rely on yourself' when my mother was busy with her political career to be a mom, when I was undercover, not knowing when the whole operation could go downhill, and now, when I finally thought I was somewhere where I could be myself.

Things never changed, and I SHOULDN'T have expected any less.

We were on route to the suspected unsubs address. Just comparing the victims physical traits, we had suspected a male who had been bludgeoning women who resembled his ex-girlfriend. It was as simple as announcing the geographical and unsub profile to the public. His ex-girlfriend had called the tip line expressing how much the profile fit her stalker ex-boyfriend.

I was sitting alone in the back of the SUV with JJ in the front passenger seat and Morgan driving as usual. It was a quiet ride as the sirens blared and we made the 15 min drive across the city, I risked a glance at JJ, everyone had their game faces on, obviously focused at the task at hand.

Closing my eyes, I unconsciously licked my lips, breathed out and cleared my mind. 'Stop thinking, get the job done, go home, and get some rest'. When I opened my eyes we were arriving on site. We had arrived ahead of Reid, Rossi and Hotch. With it being only one unsub Hotch gave the go ahead over the radio to breach.

Morgan naturally took full control of the situation. "I'll take the back, you and JJ take the front", he hastily ran around the side of the house as me and JJ approached the front steps. I took the lead unholstering my glock and pointing it slightly downwards at the front door as we waited for the signal from Morgan through our earpieces.

"Steady, quick and clean, we should all be back before dinner" Morgan said, I could see him smirking in my mind "GO!" I smashed the window of the door with my elbow, reached in, unlocked the pad and turned the doorknob, it was open in one swift motion.

Firearms at the ready, I saw Morgan across the main hallway, he nodded and started to clear the back area of the house. I quickly checked the top of the staircase just to the right of me, then I scanned both sides before going right, in response JJ moved left as she followed me inside. I waited for her to clear the one room behind me as I scanned the foyer area in front of me. I felt the tap on my shoulder indicating that she had cleared what seemed to be the family room.

I slowly moved forward noticing a decorative mirror on the far wall as I came closer to the French doors to the dining room, I saw a flash of movement in the reflection of the mirror from the left corner. I ducked down quickly as a bat smashed through the glass and felt the air swoosh over my head. A burly man kicked the rest of what was the doors out of the way as he stomped towards us.

I scrambled backwards blindly bumping into JJ's standing form. She fired a shot, it hit the him in the shoulder, surprisingly he seemed unfazed by it. He was already winding up for another swing, my adrenaline was pumping, my body reacted purely on reflexes. "Watch out!" I scream at JJ as I somehow lunged up and pushed her out of the way, the bat smashed into the front door.

As I blinked I saw her frantically trying to prop her upper body up, I started to turn around, half sprawled on the floor, it was too late, he was already set up for another swing. The last thing I heard was the swoosh of the air being cut by the bat, a flash of pain and then everything went black.

**JJ's POV**

I felt Emily push me over away from the unsubs direction, falling over on my side. I scrambled to recover myself, turning over on my back just in time to see Emily turn towards the him. A deafening crack sounding in the air as the bat made contact with her head, her body instantly going limp. The unsub quickly placing his eyes on me, readying for a downwards swing as I saw the bat coming up over his head, my hands wavered momentarily as I brought my left hand to level my right. Holding my pistol up, setting my sights, I pulled the trigger.

BANG

I watched the suspect flinch, I hit him dead straight on the head. The reflection in his eyes disappearing as he slowly fell backwards, a trickle of red streaming down his face. I blinked a few times, realizing I was holding my breath. I breathed in quickly as my eyes drifted to the body a few feet away from me. I saw a streak of blood splattered across the floor and I starred disbelievingly at Emily's unmoving form.

"no… no, no, NO… EMILY!" I screamed as I frantically crawled up to her. There was a pool of blood growing on the floor around her head. "Emily! EMILY!"


	11. Chapter 11

AN – squee! Yay reviews ., soo happy, yeh I'm such a dork.

Anyway I'll keep it short, from here on it will be from JJ's point of view for awhile.

This is based on a slight alternate reality of course, JJ's baby isn't born yet even though it is set in "2011", anyway you get the jist.

On with the story!

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><p>Derek came flying around the corner. I looked up at him with utter horror on my face as I was hunched over Emily. He was shouting into a radio, but I didn't hear him.<p>

I was frozen in place, "no, this can't be real, this can't be happening" I starred down at her, she was so unbelievably lifeless, her body sprawled out on her side, her arms out in front of her. I could feel the warmth from the puddle of blood on the floor that my hand was sitting in, my other hand was loosely draped on her shoulder, as if I was going to wake her up from some sort of slumber, or that I was going to wake up from this nightmare.

Suddenly there was a commotion of people as the paramedics arrived. There was a stream of blaring lights coming in from the open door behind me. I could feel a hand on my shoulder and I looked up to see Morgan trying to help me stand, trying to herd me away so the medics could do their job. I obliged but I didn't have the strength to move, all my attention was on the brunette, as I could feel him lifting me up with his strong arms, pulling me away as they carefully place her on an emergency stretcher board.

Derek pulled me out the front door, but my eyes didn't leave Emily as they rushed her past me. My vision became blurry, tears welled up in my eyes as the ambulance zipped off. I felt something awaken inside me, I felt something deep within me was scared, fearful of losing the brunette. 'She's always makes it out' my mind told me, 'but it's never been this serious' a voice in the back of my mind retorted.

Hotch and Reid rushed up to us. "What happened?" Reid asked, before I knew it I was running toward the SUV and was racing down the street after the ambulance.

As I raced across the city towards the hospital my mind repeated the last few minutes, images of Emily slumped body flashed through my mind.

**At the hospital**

Haphazardly parking the SUV across the emergency entrance, I jumped out and rushed into the hospital, not really sure what I thought I would be accomplishing. I headed straight for the front desk "Agent Emily Prentiss, blunt force trauma to the head?" I blurted out at the nurse.

"I'm sorry ma'am, she went straight to the OR, you are going to have to wait" the nurse must have just seen her come by to know who I was talking about. I slumped my shoulders in defeat and trudged to the seats.

I don't know how long I sat there, staring blankly at the vending machines before the rest of the team had arrived. I heard the arrival of the group behind me and I glanced as Hotch spoke surely and sternly at the nurse, she replied something back and then motioned towards me.

Penelope was the first to see me and walked up to me. "How bad is it? What happened? She's going to make it right? She always makes it" she sat next to me. I didn't realize how much of a wreck that I looked like, in that moment I had just registered the amount of blood on my hands and shirt. "She pushed me out of the way" my voice was shaky, "I…she…he just… then" I couldn't think, my mind had overloaded and blanked out when I had arrived. Everything felt so unreal.

Penelope took my hand and my eyes met with hers. "She's going to make it, she always does" she said sternly, it was like she was trying to convince herself as well. 'She did always make it' and of course I believed that she would but there was a part of me that was weary, full of doubt and worry, and I thought about how hard this was hitting, and started to question how much I cared about the brunette. 'You care a damn well amount for her that's for sure!' Thoughts about how sad I would be if she weren't part of my life started to become clear.

Everyone took a seat around me and we waited. An hour and a half later a surgeon came out to greet us. We all stood up to greet him as he approached.

"Agent Emily Prentiss?" he was confirming who we were waiting on. "Yes?" I responded almost cutting him off. "Her operation was a success" I breathed out, I didn't realize I was holding it.

"Oh Thank God!" Penelope exasperated in response, a hand coming up to her chest. The surgeon eyed each of our reactions before continuing. "We were able to patch her up, she's VERY lucky, an inch over or a little harder and it could have been seriously fatal. She's out for the night, there will be a nurse to look in on her throughout the night. Scans look promising, it's a miracle she is not in a coma. You can visit in the morning." He nodded, pausing momentarily to ensure there weren't any questions.

"Thank you doctor" Reid replied

Hotch was the next to speak. "I want some of us here when she wakes in the morning, I'll see about getting the next few days off, I want to make sure she is ok, and I think we could all do for a bit of rest before we pick up another case" No one argued as everyone tiredly headed for the parking lot.

Penelope took my arm and led me to the vehicles "Hey" she said to me, I looked at her, slightly relieved but still worried, she must have read my mind. "I plan to be here first thing in the morning to look up on our girl, would you like me to pick you up?" I smiled gratefully and nodded, we all headed home to finally get some rest, however I knew that I would probably not be getting much sleep tonight.

Will was awake when I had arrived home. He was worried about where I was, he had seen the news about the death of the latest suspect of the case we were working on. Reality hit me, I didn't even think about contacting him the whole time I was at the hospital. He must have decided not to press on after I had informed him about what happened to Emily, and probably because of my appearance. I was exhausted and headed straight for the bedroom, changing into a nighty. I lay in bed wide eyed in worry about Emily. I felt Will sink into the other side of the bed with me, he draped his arm over me, but my mind was on the brunette.

**The next morning**

Penelope had called prior to picking me up in the morning. I was thankful that Will was still asleep when I had left. The ride to the hospital was quiet as both Penelope and I worried about Emily.

When we arrived it didn't take long to receive assistance in finding Emily's room, we've all had our share of being at this hospital. The nurse led us to her room. The sight of her still threw my emotions into a spin, as much as I tried to prepare myself for seeing her today.

She lay asleep, there was a bandage on her head with a small stain of blood on it. The usual monitors were hooked up around her, IV and heart monitor. I paused before I took the seat on the right next to her. Penelope sat a little further back on the left. "We've been checking in on her every hour on the hour because of her concussion. She pretty much falls back to sleep afterwards, she's exhausted." I thanked the nurse and she excused herself.

"What's going on?" Penelope asked me.

"…What do you mean?" I questioned back.

"I mean it's tray obvious, you two have been kind of on odd terms. The atmosphere is weird between the two of you. I mean I kind of noticed it a few months back, and I felt kind of bad. I mean you have Will and I have Kevin, by the time I tried to do anything about it she kind of just turned down my invites, then she started going home before I could catch her, avoiding us altogether." Penelope rambled.

"Sigh…I don't know, it's just…sigh" I ran my fingers through my hair and slouched leaning my head into my hand.

I looked at Emily laying so vulnerable in the hospital bed. I pressed my lips together trying to suppress teary eyes as I thought about Emily, then my own personal issues.

"It's not really working out with me and Will." I looked at Penelope. "I'm trying really hard though. I mean I want my baby to have a proper father, and it scares me, thinking about raising a child on my own. And Will has already moved here and given up so much. I feel guilty for even thinking of leaving him, I have to give him a chance…I have to give our baby a chance...to know their father. But…" I look back to Emily and touch her hand.

"It's just…I think I don't think I love Will…and…I think I'm developing feelings for someone else"

Penelope stayed silent, being a good friend and ear as she listened to everything I had to say. "Well, does he feel the same way?"

I looked up at her. 'I wasn't sure', hearing all of this actually said aloud was different than just thinking about it to myself. I starred at the floor and thought for a moment, all the thoughts of the past months, all the little gestures Emily would do. I thought back to the time when our friendship was so strong, when we were able to tell each other ANYTHING. I didn't get a chance to answer as I heard Emily groan.

"Uh…" Emily turned her head, trying hard to open her eyes, it seemed like the light bothered her as she squinted and shook her head a few times. She squinted at me "hey" I said to her I as I stood up and leaned over her. She squeezed her eyes shut and turned her head away "Ugh, how long have I been here?" she asked "You came out of surgery last night" I replied, "the nurse came in to wake you up throughout the night".

She exasperated a sigh, as she brought her hand up to the bridge of her nose and squeezed. She shut her eyes, she didn't say anything for the next moment. Just then the doctor walked in. "Ah, I see she's woken up on her own, you might be feeling a little nauseous as the anesthetic clears out", he moved towards the end of the bed, clipboard in hand.

He continued to mark things down "Can you tell me your name?" I watched Emily quietly as the doctor did his job. She looked slightly annoyed at him "Emily Prentiss" she sighed. "Do you remember what happened?" he paused and looked up at her "Tch, yeh, I got hit in the head with a baseball bat".

He walked around the bed to her side and pulled out a penlight. "Good," he flashed the lights in her eyes, then began making notes again. "What year is it?" he didn't look up at her. "2011" she responded.

He smiled at her then glanced at both Penelope and me. "The impact was made in the temporal lobe area" he waved his hand around an area of her bandage showing where she had been struck. He seemed to be talking to all of us.

"A few inches forward, or even a little bit harder could have been fatal, you are lucky, I am actually surprised your injuries aren't worse. We'll be monitoring your recovery closely, you'll need to REST for the next few days. We'll have to conduct a few MRI's just to ensure that everything is healing properly, you'll more than likely have to return for a post recovery check up. There will be a nurse coming in to look on you every hour like last night for about 10 more hours, you DO have a concussion "

"When will I be able to go home?" she spoke up. It was very like her to want to get out of a hospital as quickly as possible, although she seemed to be arguing less then usual.

"You've had a history of a prior concussions, and this injury is quite a level more serious then the prior ones. You have a "complex concussion" we'll have to watch you closely for at least 12 days. Depending on the results in the next week and a half we'll determine when you will be able to go home. If all goes well you could be home in a week and a half. Clearance for duty will also be determined during that time"

"Yeah, you hear that? You have to REST!" Penelope said sternly to Emily.

Emily half smiled back. "Uh, why do I have the feeling I have no chance in arguing with you Garcia" Penelope smiled back, reaching out and squeezing Emily other hand. "Because you know I won't take no for an answer…and that'll you'll lose against me…and that I'll make your life a living hell if you don't…and Derek and myself will probably gang up on you to do so" she retorted matter-of-factly.

I smiled at the little interaction. Garcia was definitely starting her magic at lightening up the mood already.

She turned her head and looked at me for the first time since waking up. She starred at me and her brow furrowed. She squinted for a moment, she looked like she was thinking hard like she was trying to remember something. Her expression neutralized as she spoke. "I'm sorry, I know that I work with you but… I've forgotten your name"

My breath caught in my throat, my eyes were wide open in shock, and my heart felt a pang of hurt, her hand dropped away from my grasp, as she starred back at me like a stranger.

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><p>AN – Yeah I know. O.M.G. right? ^_^<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

AN – Thanks to all the reviews, I'm loving it! (Maniacal laugh inserted here) although I think I may have scared a few with the angstyness of it all (?.?), but don't worry there is more to come. Welcome to all the new followers of the story please feel free to review. Loving it? Hating it? Crying about it? I think I heard a few heads explode in the last couple chapters, mawahahah.

On with the story!

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><p>'I've forgotten your name.' The words hit me like a large ocean tide.<p>

I looked at Penelope desperately, then at the doctor for an answer. Penelope broke the silence "Emily…it's JJ" she looked at Emily for a reaction. Her brow creased slightly as she tried to remember. She looked at me again, 'Oh my god! She doesn't remember me!' I looked at the doctor again. He had a look of disappointment on his face as he looked at Emily.

"Doctor?" I attempted to get his attention "Is this normal for her injuries?" The doctor seemed to be recomposing himself. "The temporal lobe contains the hippocampus which is the primary agent for long term memory. As far as the scans have shown there isn't any sign of damage. There have been cases of memory loss for people with this type of injury which may or may not return to the individual"

My emotions were in turmoil. 'She doesn't remember me…well she doesn't remember my name…does she remember ANYTHING about me?' I looked at her again, she had an expression of guilt, I realized I was probably making her feel awkward.

"We'll be monitoring her recovery closely" the doctor repeated "unfortunately as long as there is no obvious signs damage there is nothing we can do at this point, we can possibly look into neurological therapy if her memory becomes an issue to her well being. Only time will tell" he tried to be sympathetic.

"If there are no other questions for now, I do have some other patients that I need to attend to. My shift ends in 4 hours, if there is anything I can do for you, please have the nurse page for me" he excused himself and the room became silent.

I forced a smile at Emily, but deep down I was hurt. I had just started to realize my feelings for her, and now she didn't even know who I was. I didn't want to break down in front of her, so I calmly excused myself, quickly standing up from the seat and walked out of the room, closing the door behind me gently. I walked briskly to the elevator, made my way to the ground floor and practically ran out to one of the benches in the quad area of the hospital. I couldn't stop the tears that fell from my eyes as I felt my heart throb.

All my feelings for the past months just overwhelmed me. I didn't realize how much I had bottled up. I was too busy with work and with trying to figure things out with Will that I never had the time to process what was happening between me and Emily.

After about 20 minutes I had gotten myself to calm down. I started to compartmentalize the situation. I still had a baby on the way, I had to figure out what I was going to do about Will. I had just told Garcia that I was trying to get things to work, for the sake of the baby. But I was developing deep feelings for Emily. Maybe it was better that it was happening this way. Maybe it was a sign that I really needed to try and make things work out with Will.

I don't know how long I sat there silently as my emotions settled themselves. I looked at my watch it had been a good hour. 'I better get back' I sighed, I rubbed my eyes clear and ran a hand through my hair. Getting up from the bench I headed back into the hospital, I made a quick stop in the bathroom to check on my appearance, and decided to pick up a coffee from the cafeteria before heading back up to Emily's room.

Coffee in hand, I slowly made my way back to the designated room. I breathed in and tried to clear my mind as I stood just outside the doorway. I heard Penelope and Emily talking, I couldn't make out the conversation. Forcing a smile, I braced myself and walked in.

Emily sat up straighter as I approached them. Penelope went quiet mid-sentence in reaction. "Hey," I said hoarsely. "Um…I'm sorry, I just had to clear my head…" I looked at Penelope "umm… Penelope, if you don't mind I kind of would like to talk to Emily in private" she seemed to understand, throwing a sympathetic smile at both of us, she nodded and excused herself. Emily seemed to shift uncomfortably in the bed. She glanced at me, then looked down as she shifted to sit up even straighter, chewing at the side of her lip, she rolled her head slightly to the side then looked back up at me. It was what she did when she was trying to cover up a feeling of anxiety.

My eyes shifted, I half breathed out and smirked slightly as I read the gesture. 'At least she is still herself'. I tried to genuinely smile back at her, even though I felt sad as I took the seat Penelope was in, placing my cup down on the side table.

"I'm sorry, it's not your fault. It's just…" I looked straight into her eyes and placed my hand over hers "…you just mean a lot to me Emily. I just want you to know that." She was looking right back at me, her eyes seemed sad at the words I had spoken, she was chewing her lip again. I wanted to tell her more, I wanted to tell her everything I was thinking about the past months. But now, with the things the way they are, how do I. I have a baby on the way, how do I tell someone that used to be my best friend, that doesn't remember even me, that I think I'm developing feelings for her. It was awkwardly silent for the next moment, neither of us knowing what to say.

Just then Morgan came walking in loudly announcing his presence. "Hey there princess" he sauntered in happy to see that Emily was awake and surprisingly bright eyed. I pulled my hand away in that moment, straightening myself as I looked at him. He was grinning ear to ear he winked at me as he walked up to her. "How are you feeling? You had us scared there for a moment" I know he would have given her a hug if he could, he settled for giving her hand a squeeze. "Strong as ever, I just can't wait to get out of here" Emily responded back, I frowned 'she remembers Derek'. He started arguing about how she was supposed to rest, feeling a pang of jealousy and helplessness for myself, I stood up and walked out of the room, faking a smile as I passed Reid who had poked his head in the doorway and walked in with his hands in his pockets, he gave me a smile, I heard him join in the conversation with Emily and Derek.

I walked out into the hallway, I rubbed my temples as I stood just outside the doorway. "JJ?" it was Penelope, I breathed in heavily, I rolled my head stretching my neck, breathing out - it caught part way through, my hands fell to my hips, I looked at Penelope tiredly.

She stood up from the seats across the hallway. "Are you okay?" I looked away and pursed my lips. The situation was becoming too much to handle. The stress of everything was starting to overwhelm me. I couldn't stop my eyes from watering. My shoulders began to shake, I couldn't hold it in anymore. "Oh, baby girl, it's going to be okay" she quickly pulled me into a hug, her empathy taking over me "Why me? Why only me?" 'I felt so confused, so overwhelmingly stressed out…so lost' I buried my face into her shoulder and let it all out.

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><p>AN - sorry there isn't more to this chapter, I thought it was thorough enough before a scene change though.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N – Still JJ's POV, Of course a thanks for all the support from the reviewers ^_^, sorry its been taking me a little longer to write the in between parts to my story outline, I'm trying to make sure they stay interesting enough and still leave the right type of effect for the story. ENJOY!

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><p>Emily had recovered in record time. Well, mostly recovered. She still barely remembered me, meaning she only remembered me from the time that she had woken up from surgery until now. It had been 2 weeks since then, and the news spread that the doctor had cleared her for work. Today would be the first day back for her in the office since the last case.<p>

Hotch had been able to get us the first week off. We were all swamped with paperwork when we got back. Penelope, Derek and Reid had visited Emily almost every day. Hotch had gone to visit once to ensure she was in good health, but spent most of his time with his son, and Rossi…did whatever he did on his days off.

I obligingly spent most of my time with Will. For the first few days it was nice just being able to sleep in, I had still brought some of my work home, trying to pre-organize before the grind when we got back. Admittedly most of my thoughts were on Emily.

Things were starting to go downhill with Will. I caught myself becoming impatient and easily agitated around him. He was starting to become impatient himself. I tried to use hormones as an excuse for my mood swings. He seemed to believe it, I almost thought he was as simple as he seemed because he never suspected there was anything else to it. We were drifting apart, but I definitely believed that he didn't suspect me of having feelings for someone else.

Yet still I had placed Emily in second, I tried to convince myself that I had to do things one step at a time. My mind told me that I had to wait until the baby was born and see how it turns out. But that meant trying not to fantasize about attempting anything with Emily for another 5 months, that it was in the best interest for the baby that they knew their father.

'Did it REALLY matter if it was Will? Could it be Emily? Would Emily raise a baby with me? That is kind of stretching it far. Sure you want to be with her, but you don't even know if she feels the same way, and now you want her to raise a child with you.' Sigh. I always wanted kids, and I would never think of aborting this baby, but sometimes, SOMETIMES I just wished this wasn't happening…not like this.

There was also the little voice in my mind that said it may not work out. It may not work out with Emily. The thoughts of her not feeling the same in return, let alone her memory not coming back made me hold onto Will as a safety blanket even more. I hated it. It made me feel like I lacked control of the situation, perhaps even a feeling of desperation, lack of confidence that I could raise this child on my own.

There was a cheer of voices from the bullpen which broke my train of thought. I stood up from my desk and tried to peer through the window. I involuntarily rushed over to get a better look, running into the top drawer on the way over. Rubbing my side I pressed one of the window shutters open and watched as Emily made her way to her desk.

Everyone took the time to stand from their desks and applaud her return. It wasn't small news if someone got seriously injured like that, even people who weren't directly on our field team felt the absence of an agent in a department as small as ours. She dipped her head down hiding her face slightly from the unwanted attention she was getting. She eventually flashed a smile at everyone and waved a thank you before placing her stuff down at her desk.

I smiled mildly watching as she settled herself. A week and a half of not seeing her, it felt so long at times and so slow at others. Just then Garcia came flying through my door I jumped from the intrusion. "Hey, Emily is here, I was thinking of maybe going out tonight, something light, dinner or something…" I straightened myself out as she finally turned around to look at me, she was probably expecting me at my desk. "Oh, sorry Jayje I didn't mean to startle you", I waved off the apology.

"So who is going out tonight?" I asked Penelope. "Oh, just EVERYONE, we're trying to drag Emily out as a welcome back celebration, we're thinking that Italian restaurant downtown" she peeped back at me. I was kind of tired, but I really wanted to go…for Emily. I smiled back "I'll be there" she smiled in return excitedly, "good, I'll let you get your work done" and with that she fluttered out like the butterfly that she was.

Turning my head to look back at Emily, she was staring at the huge pile of files on her desk, she breathed out and with a glint of determination in her eye she grabbed the top file and started working. 'I wonder if they will magically appear on my desk. Will the drawer be closed too?' Watching her determination suddenly motivated me. 'J get todays work done and look forward to dinner',

I smiled one last time as I watched Penelope hopping around Emily's desk, speaking frantically with her hands, she was probably telling Emily how she was coming out to dinner with everyone. Emily attempted to open her mouth a few times, but it seemed like Penelope was having her way with the conversation. I saw Emily's head bow down in defeat as Penelope ran off without giving her a chance to say anything in turn. Smirking at that last exchange I turned and got back to work.

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><p>AN – still quite of a ways to go, there are a number of chapters further ahead in the story that are already written up, I CANT WAIT to post them, I hope you all keep reading.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N - sorry it's short but an update nonetheless, hope you are all still liking it

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><p>Dinner was great, everyone had alot of fun, it was just like old times. We ate, we laughed, we drank, well except for me of course. It was nice seeing everyone together again, it had been awhile since we were all able to just go out together and not talk about work.<p>

Emily even loosened up a little bit. It was like she was her old self; before it started to get all awkward between the two of us - except I was pretty sure that she still didn't remember it all. I caught myself watching her most of the night, I would react to how she reacted. When she smiled I smiled, when she laughed I laughed, when she spoke I gave her my undivided attention. I was happy because we were…together. We finished dinner and made sure to call it an early night, we all had to be in the office early the next day to catch up on paperwork.

We all said our good nights, eventually splitting to our respective vehicles, it had ended up just being me and her as we headed for one of the corners of the parking lot; we had all ended up in different parts of the lot when we had arrived. We both walked in silence, it was dark and the moon was full, it was a nice night, we were full and content with the evenings engagement. I sighed as I started to think about how I was headed home and Will would be asking about my day like every other day. He would talk about how a pregnant woman should be resting more, and how I should be trying to cut down my workload at the bureau.

'Am I going to be a good mother?'

"You're going to be a great mother" Emily said between the staccato of our footsteps.

I snuck a quick glance at her "…thanks…" I replied weakly, it's like she knew what I was thinking. I looked at the ground, all my insecurities had dissipated just walking with her. Because she said it, it made me feel like I could do it. I felt complete just being around her.

She broke the silence "sorry" it was slightly nonchalant, but it was genuine. I stopped and looked at her "for what?" she stopped a couple feet in front of me and turned to look back. "I just thought,…you seemed a bit taken back by what I said" maybe it was the moonlight that set the mood but my eyes couldn't help but quickly scan over her figure, she was so beautiful. I shook my head, "no, I'm sorry there's just a lot going on for me right now" a sympathetic look crossed her face. I looked away not really being able to handle her gaze, I surprisingly heard a step toward me, before I had time to bring my head up I was engulfed by her arms.

Time had literally stopped I relaxed into her embrace, closed my eyes and leaned my head into her shoulder. I breathed in her scent as she just held me tenderly for a moment. She smelt like freshly cleaned laundry with a hint of vanilla, butterflies fluttered in my stomach, my heart began to race, and in desperation for the embrace to cease from ending I slowly brought my arms around her lower back and hugged in return, almost holding onto her for dear life. My head started to spin, the warmth of her body pressing against mine.

We stood motionless for God knows how long and I thought about how I never wanted this to end. I felt her stroke the back of my head lightly, not in a romantic way but in a mutual supportive gesture. I turned my head slightly, my lips just a hairline away from her collarbone, I sighed and my cheek fluttering over her neck. I felt her seize up a bit and I suddenly felt myself blush as I pulled back slowly, she pulled away completely.

She looked at the ground as she spoke "I'm sorry, I just thought that giving you a hug would be appropriate...um" she clicked her tongue on the top of her mouth "I…just didn't know what to say" she licked her lips "…it's getting late" she looked at me as if realizing the last words herself "you should get some rest…" she took a glance at my stomach, I was starting to show quite a bit "…I hope you have a good rest of the night" she seemed to blurt the last words and rushed away muttering something under her breath to herself.

I watched her walk away, bewildered at her sudden behavior, she got into her car and drove off, I stood just stood there and felt the warmth from the embrace disappear.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N – SORRY its short! The next few chapters with JJ are ending up like "shorts", think of them as shots into the important stuff that happens between the voids of the teams workday. I think everyone has pretty much got the idea as to what's happening with her and I'm sure (like myself) you all just wants to see what will happen with Emily, a few more chapters and everything should pick up again.

Thanks to everyone who is still hanging in there, I appreciate all the FOLLOWERS and REVIEWERS!

To LR – thank you for all the kind words

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><p>When I got home Will had already gone to sleep. I locked up my gun in the safe next to the bed and placed my credentials and phone on top. I crawled into bed, pulling the blanket over my form, Will shifted in response as I lay on my side facing the room. Laying awake I thought back to the moment with Emily in the parking lot. Will's arm draped over me, I thought about how it felt in comparison. It didn't feel the same, her arms were just as strong, but they were softer, gentler, I thought about her scent. I slowly fell asleep and hoped that I would dream of her.<p>

I got to work early the next morning. I was expecting agent Jordan Todd to be arriving today, she was to be my replacement until I returned from maternity leave. She was to shadow my every move to get a feel for the job.

I pulled open the doors to the bullpen, Hotch's office light was on, it wasn't unusual for him to be in before me sometimes. There was a sprawl of papers over Emily's desk. I frowned 'she came in early today?' scanning the empty office I spotted her in the break area with a pot of coffee, Jordan seemed to have arrived early as well, she was leaning against the counter standing awfully close to Emily.

Emily said something and Jordan laughed back, she fanned her hand in front of her face and took a hold of Emily's arm with the other. A pang of jealousy unconsciously crept through me, my hand clutched my bag a little tighter. Jordan caught my eye and pushed off the counter towards me, Emily turned her head to look in my direction.

I watched Jordan's hand as it released Emily's arm and trailed 'accidentally' across her back before approaching me. My eyes shifted to search Emily's expression which forced a smile at me then proceeded to heed attention to her coffee mug as if it were something of great interest. Jordan's face pushed its way into view and she held out her hand to shake mine "Agent Jareau glad to finally meet you"

We went to my office and from there time just seemed to fly by. I didn't see Emily for the rest of the day, I was too busy with paperwork and bringing Agent Todd up to date. Everyone's paperwork appeared on my desk after lunch I noticed that my top drawer was closed.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N – sorry peeps for keeping you all waiting, I've been unexpectedly busy lately. Hopefully there are people still following the story. T_T the next installment should definitely start to pick up.

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><p>"<em>You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."<em>  
>Barbara De Angelis<p>

1 Month into my maternity leave.

I was visiting the office often enough to help with paperwork, the team was always out on a case. Everytime I heard the doors of the bullpen open I caught myself rushing to stare out over the desks, my heart pounded in my ears, and butterflies flew in my stomach as I thought about just SEEING Emily. Ever since Jordan took over I almost felt like the team forgot about me.

I didn't see her, running into the office at odd times we surprisingly didn't cross paths. I visited Penelope every now and then to check up on the team, but I couldn't really just ask about Emily specifically. From what I heard though she was becoming extremely intense at work, she was kicking down doors and tackling down unsubs just as much as Morgan, however I also heard that she seemed to be getting close to Jordan as well since she was the only other single female in the team now. Penelope told me about their weekly outings to the bar. When she wasn't out with Jordan it seemed like a new side of her was coming out in the office, she seemed witty and humorous, other than that she seemed to always be serious and down to business when it came to work.

My feelings from hearing this news made me jealous and realize that I needed to end it off with Will, BEFORE the baby comes along. It would be the ultimate betrayal to leave him after the baby was born, scared as I was to do it alone, I thought of how it would be roles reversed, I could only imagine how used Will would be feeling if I made him hang around until then, how pathetic it almost is to use him like that, it's not like it wasn't any less my responsibility that I got pregnant. It may not work out with Emily but I knew I had to try or I would regret it for the rest of my life. I finally knew what I wanted and I wasn't going to let it just pass me by.

I was readying myself for days, waiting for the opportune time to tell Will that I wanted to break it off. I've faced off with dozens of ravenous reporters and homicidal maniacs and yet I felt ill prepared for this.

We went out for dinner, I waited until we were finished, I was hoping that somehow this would prevent both him and me from making a scene. It was now or never.

"Will…I don't think we are going to work" I braced myself as the words didn't come out as self-assured as I had hoped. He looked right at me "What do you mean?...Are…are you breaking up with me?" he was trying to keep his calm, his hands braced the table and he took a quick glance around, "Will…" I tried to control my contempt "…I care for you Will…but…I'm not IN love with you".

His eyes faltered, he was definitely going through some inner turmoil as he tried to come to the terms with the words. A saddened expression spread across his face, he leaned back in his chair in looked at me hurt "There's someone else isn't there? Have you been cheating on me?". My eyes became teary, I couldn't control that I was hurting someone and I didn't want to "Yes, there's someone else and no…" I looked away " I…I don't even know if they feel the same" I looked back at him "I'm sorry Will, I really am, I didn't mean for this to happen…it just did" the waiter was approaching us and looked like he was going to ask if we needed anything else, but one glance and he knew something serious was underway and pretended to heed a different table instead.

Will became silent, he was thinking hard contemplating his next words. "Then why break us apart, why give up what we have if you might not even have a chance with this guy?" He was speaking slowly and concisely.

I sighed. "It's just not what I want Will" a spark of anger flashed in his eyes. "I left everything, I gave up my job for you and moved to this blasted place!" it took me by surprise, I didn't know how to respond, his emotions were taking over his actions.

I chose to just be honest "I don't know what to say…" he remained silent as well, emotions were a flurry between the two of us, and after a moment of silence the server decided it was the best time to intrude, he only met eyes with me and gently placed the bill on the table "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, if there isn't anything else, feel free to take your time with the bill".

It was awkward for the rest of the night. We both paid the bill separately and there was a dreadful silence between us on the car ride home. We slept in separate beds, in separate rooms. There was a small part of me that felt guilty, but overall there was a great weight lifted off my shoulders.

I lay awake most of the night, feeling the bump of my belly, I wasn't afraid anymore, I was determined to do this, I was going to be strong with or without Will, I was going to have my baby. Gently rubbing my stomach I reminisced of the times with Emily, there was nothing stopping me now. I fell asleep, my last thoughts being on the brunette.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N – hey sorry for being gone for so long, I hope there are people who are still going to read this and didn't just leave because I took too long to post. I kind of hit a bump in the story and ended up putting it on the backburner, I still have solid plans for this story but I also have unplanned ones as well T_T.

THANK YOU for your patience, I am back in school now and can't promise regular updates, but I am determined to not give up. ^_^

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><p>JJ POV<p>

The couple of weeks leading to the delivery was awkward, Will offered to stay around until the baby was born, he continued to stay at my house but we lived together more like roommates than a couple, he said he still wanted to somehow be a part of his child's life, part of me was grateful for this. As we had come closer to the delivery date he adapted to the situation and just focused on the baby, our friendship grew even stronger if anything.

The baby arrived early, but my son was healthy and beautiful and I was one day away from full recovery. Will was in the process of getting his life back home, he said he was offered his old job back and was trying to settle other matters before moving back. Maybe it was the fact that I was the one bearing that child that made him second guess the gravity of the situation, sometimes I suspected that he was almost trying to win me back. Either way I was glad that the awkwardness subsided.

My parents came down and were disappointed by the situation, but soon forgot about the dilemma the moment they saw their grandson. Thankfully they offered to help take care of Henry as well. Being retired had its benefits for being able to up and leave for an extended amount of time.

It was midday and I lay restless in the hospital bed starring out the window. Hearing the door open I averted my head to the visitor. "Hey," Will half-heartedly walked into the room, a forced smile on his face as he approached my bedside. He shifted awkwardly on the balls of his feet. "How are you feeling?" I genuinely smiled back, "I'm doing good, getting rested", "…I got this for you" he pulled a small velvet box out of his jacket pocket "…even though we aren't together anymore, I hoped you would wear it, I believe Henry is still a product of a love we once had" he sounded a little unsure about his last statement however I nodded encouragingly at it.

Accepting the outreached box I slowly opened it, it was a ring, simple in design with an orange coloured stone. "It's citrine, Henry's birthstone I have one too" I glanced at his hand to see a more masculine designed ring with the same stone. "Will… thank you….for everything…for understanding" he responded quickly "I'm still a little hurt over it, but it wouldn't be fair to either of us in the long run, I see that now…a part of me will always love you JJ" he drawled with his

southern accent. I took his hand as I reciprocated the feelings in silent agreement.

He stayed around the rest of the day and we talked of our plans for the next step after all of this. He made sure to help get me anything I needed throughout the day. Doctors and nurses came in to check on me, and we spent the good amount of the day with Henry, my parents; after visiting took most of the day to settle down at my place.

The next two days were the same, it was like the breakup had not happened between me and Will, and I almost even forgot about the BAU at times, I didn't realize that Henry would have such an effect on me, I didn't realize how much I wanted this child, I fell completely in love with him, we share a connection, a bond only a mother would have with their child.

It wasn't until Garcia showed up with the Derek and Spencer that a large feeling of conflict hit me. On one hand I had Henry and my parents and to an extent a friend in Will, and on the other I had my family at the BAU, which I had felt slightly guilty for not calling the past couple days. I was disappointed to not see Emily with the crowd. However I didn't have much time to think about that as a rush of concerns started to make their way in my mind. I was still to be on maternity leave for another couple months before coming back to the BAU, I would have to organize time for Henry, eventually a babysitter and then eventually daycare when he got old enough.

I was brought back as I looked at my 'family' holding Henry, he had all their attention it seemed. Leaning back I tried to relax as they took turns holding him and talking to him. Will had excused himself at some point when the gang had entered, more than likely to take a break and make some space in the room. I sadly smiled as I realized how much they didn't know about what was happening with me, my mind ran a mile a minute as I debated on whether I should tell them now…probably not.

Penelope seemed to notice my silence and sat on the edge of the bed as Derek and Spencer argued about which university was best for Henry to go to. "Hey, how are you doing?" Penelope looked at me with genuine concern. I forced a smile back, sighing I replied back "You know… alright. How are you guys holding up without me? Are you missing me yet?" I was intensely curious and almost insecure about what the answer may be. "Of course we miss you! I think Jordan can't wait for you to come back, not that she isn't doing a decent job holding down the fort, but she's admitted on more than one occasion about how godly your skills must be to do your job" she smiled back assuring me of her words. I couldn't help but smile wider at this comment. "Where's everyone else?" of course I meant Emily, it was understandable that Hotch was probably busy with Jack, and Rossi was probably taking advantage of what time off he could get at his cabin. "We finally got the day off after quite a few back to back cases. Both Hotch and Rossi hurried home of course, Emily offered to help Jordan with some backed up paperwork,…" I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy, Penelope had continued to say something else, but I didn't hear it.

Seconds after however the little debate that was happening between Spencer and Derek seemed to have increased in decibals as Penelope suddenly joined in the screaming match. The last thoughts in my mind dissipated as I watched and smiled silently at the scene in front of me.

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><p>AN - Sorry the chapter wasn't groundbreaking in the story, but I FINALLY got past this point ^_^. I'll try to update before school goes on break, if not look forward to seeing more during the holidays at least.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N – okay, yeh I am a big fat liar, I said I was going to update this during xmas, but its been super crazy at school, I just finished re-reading everything online to make sure the continuity of the story still works through, maybe one more chapter this and the action will definitely pick, I hope there is some people still reading this ., warning this will start to sit a little out of canon, while still keeping a few things in just for the sake of fandomness.

For those catching up you could say that the bug gap between this chapter and the last one is kind of a real time space gap for the story, take into account the feeling of waiting inbetween this part of the story .

I apologize, I feel like this part seems a bit choppy, but its all leading somewhere I swear.

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><p>JJ POV<p>

Penelope was herself to say the least. Being Henry's Godmother, she visited at least once a week Kevin in hand, they were great with him.

"How is everyone?" I felt like a broken record, I asked it almost every other time Penelope came by, but I was starting to miss my 'family' and my work. Every time Penelope would say the same words of assurance, they're the same, they're doing ok, the last case was pretty rough and 'they miss you' even though they probably didn't right out say it. And every time I stopped myself from asking specifically about Emily.

But before I knew it days passed, then weeks and suddenly I was able to head back to work.

It was good to be back. Agent Todd couldn't be happier to step down from the job, she commented on how she didn't know how I did it, and looked up to me for my capabilities.

It encouraged me to know that I had something that only I could do for the team.

It didn't take long to settle back into the routine of the BAU. A couple weeks and one case later and it was like I never left, Emily seemed to be the only thing that made it seemed like I did. Ever since I got back I couldn't help but feel a touch of hot and cold with her. It was like we were starting all over again, as if she was a brand new member of the team again. One moment she would be sending me mixed signals, and then moments later it was like she was avoiding me, I was so flogged with paperwork I couldn't quite get a handle on it.

The last case fortunately came to a good closing. Being the first case back it still drained me a bit, I felt as if I was working out and was out of shape when we landed back in Virginia.

A couple days later, I decided to try to take hold of the situation. I noticed Emily was always gone by the time lunch came around, I made sure to catch her this time.

"Hey, I was thinking if you wanted to head out to lunch together?" I leaned on the edge of her desk, taking a once over her profile.

Emily looked at me thoughtfully "uh… sorry, I can't. I got an errand to run" she quickly scribbled something in the last folder she was working on and closed it on her desk placing it neatly in the top right corner.

A little disappointed with the 'rejection' I forced a smile back "maybe next time then"

"uh yeh, sure" she barely answered back before grabbing her coat and rushing out the door.

I didn't see her the rest of the day, nor did I see her when I left at the end of it.

Back home things had already fallen into routine, Hotch always made sure to keep an eye on me at work and made sure I got off ON TIME or a few minutes earlier. He was the only one I had confided in about Will, (more like he talked it out of me) Will on the other hand was doing quite well for himself. He got his job back like his boss had promised he would get if he returned, we still talk once a week he asks about Henry, and he seems to have found another love interest… already. A slight blow to my ego, sometimes I reassure myself saying it is probably a rebound of a relationship, stroking my ego slightly, but most of the time my mind doesn't need to remind me that I have a goal of my own….Emily.

As it started to get late and I began tucking Henry into bed, I thought about today. I reminisced on Emily's features, I didn't overlook the loss in weight and the lack of feminine attire Emily had worn the last couple days. It was quite a bit of a turn on as she almost mirrored more of what Derek was wearing than her usual classy shirts and dress pants. Smiling I looked down at Henry as he slept. Today wasn't a complete defeat, but I did view Emily's rejection to lunch as strike one of three on the board. I got through with Will and I came through with Henry, nothing, NOTHING was going to stop Jennfier Jereau from getting what she wanted.

Turning and heading to my bed, I planned on getting a good nights rest to continue the pursuit for one Emily Prentiss.

Morning didn't come early enough, Henry was settled down with a good retired family friend and I was headed to work on time, or 'early' in the case of the other people on the team.

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><p>As I passed the gate to the parking lot and turned a corner a large SUV almost crashed into me as it cut me off and sped down the first lane of cars. I cursed at the driver silently in my head as I followed the black vehicle down the same lane. I noticed Emily's car as I passed and made a mental note as I drove along, the SUV that had cut me off had stopped closer towards the entrance and I made sure to carefully maneuver around it to get to my usual spot.<p>

As I drove by I noticed a woman I had never seen before, she looked around frantically searching for someone, completely dismissing me when we made eye contact, she turned her attention to the building doors anxiously.

I pulled into my parking spot, grabbed my bag and coat and cautiously made my way towards the entrance. Suddenly Emily came rushing out the front and walked straight up to the woman in the SUV. I ducked for cover behind the closest vehicle out of instinct and observed the exchange.

I couldn't quite hear what they were saying but by the body language it looked like they arguing somewhat. Emily had her hands up in a more defensive manner, like she usually does when she is trying to neutralize a situation. She seemed like she was trying to calm the woman down as she jumped out of the driver seat and tried to make her away around the front of the vehicle to Emily, who had stopped her halfway. I concentrated and strained my ears to try and hear the conversation.

"Look, you can't be seen around here. We can talk about this later…I'll meet you for lunch, we can talk then" Emily shot back at the woman as she tried to usher her back to the drivers seat. The woman half complied walking towards the door but quickly pulled out of her hold, as she answered back "NO! We need to talk about this now! You can't avoid the inevitable, she is going to find out about you, about US!" my heart skipped a beat, one of my brows furrowed 'who was this woman, what did she mean by that?'

Emily answered back in a calmer softer tone that I couldn't hear. I could feel an uncontrolled amount of jealousy towards this mystery woman, I kneeled down and leaned my back against the car and strained my ears further. "I'll take care of it!" it was Emily that was speaking louder this time "let me make a phone call, don't worry I'll come for you in a few hours"

There seemed to be a pause of silence and I was anxious to take another glance over the hood of the car. Suddenly I heard the sound of a door closing, I peeked over the edge to see Emily closing the door for the woman. "You better get back to me BEFORE I'm gone" the woman stared Emily down with a mixed looked of anxiousness and acceptance, while Emily tilted her head slightly, blinking and looking slightly away like she does when someone is trying to make her feel bad or guilty or when she has some sort of inner conflict, I've seen that look all too many times.

With those last words the woman drove away like the maniac she was when she came in. I watched her whiz away as I ducked behind the car again and waited fearing that Emily might see me. I counted about 30 seconds before I brushed myself off walked out towards the building entrance, able to feign ignorance in case she WAS still standing there.

I only caught her slowly walking towards the entrance deep in thought brushing a hand through her hair. No doubt her mind was running a mile a minute…so was mine.

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><p>AN - Hmmmmm, Haaa, who can this woman be?<p> 


	19. Chapter 19

A/N – alright here we go some more of the story AND it didn't take me 3 months ., well I hope you all like it, I keep track of everyone who does a story alert, favourites this story or even if I am lucky favourites me ! ^_^ please please please read and review, I love to read each and every comment and I also use it to cue whether I have achieved the effect I want from each chapter, even if it is just you guys saying something obvious I LOVE to hear them.

So anyway, this chapter is a little sappy, hopefully I hear a lot of 'squeeing' from the audience.

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 19.3<strong>

As I followed Emily into the building, my body was in no rush to catch up with the brunette as my mind replayed what had just happened. I slowly exited the elevator and pulled open the doors to the bullpen. I immediately forgot about the mystery woman and noticed Emily's desk in disarray. I frowned at the scene, concerned with what could have just happened only minutes before entering the office.

I heard a sudden crash of glass shattering from the break room and an all too familiar voice cursing to herself. I briskly walked around the corner to see a broken coffee pot on the floor and Emily holding her hand in a wad of paper towel.

My body reacted automatically "Are you okay?" I asked as I dropped my things on the floor nearby and made a beeline for the brunette. "Yeh, I'm fine I'm fine, I just turned a little too quickly and hit the counter" she barely held the makeshift bandage around her wounded hand and started to bend down to clean the broken pieces.

"I got it, go into my office I have a first aid kit in the top right drawer", I paused momentarily expecting to hear an argument out of her, I watched as her eyes shifted thoughtfully and she grabbed her phone and headed to my office. She obviously had something else on her mind if she didn't try to talk me down.

After quickly sweeping up all the pieces and tossing them into the garbage below the mini kitchen sink I swiftly grabbed my bag and made my way to my office. Emily was silently sitting in the chair across my desk, half looking at her phone and halfheartedly pulling things out of the first aid kit with her free hand.

I didn't say anything as I pulled my chair around the side and sat adjacent to her, giving her a look of 'You're going to let me help you bandage this and I don't want to hear you argue with me about it'. We sat in awkward silence as she first looked at me, and then busied herself with analyzing the ceiling of my office, as she placed her injured hand on the edge of my desk in front of me.

I cleared my throat and began spreading out the necessary items. Carefully pulling off the paper towel, I examined the deep gash across the side of her palm, a line of blood steadily started to seep out. I looked up at her every now and again, she stayed quiet and exchanged from looking at the ceiling to looking at the floor, her other hand clutched her phone to her lap.

I pulled out an alcohol swab and ripped open the package, "hmm, coffee pot got you pretty good…", no reply. I glanced up before continuing "…sorry this might sting a bit" I took her hand with my left hand to help adjust the angle and started to carefully dab at it with my right.

I felt a bit flustered holding her hand, and I'm sure if I could look at myself I would have been blushing. She didn't react much in response, her eyes squinted slightly, perhaps from the sting, or maybe the awkwardness of the situation as a whole, I couldn't tell. If it weren't for her overtly controlled demeanor I swear I could see a slight fluster on her cheeks as well.

As it came close to finishing up, I became more and more aware of the warm feeling of her hand in mine. I slowly covered the wound with a bandage and pressed it down gently with both thumbs, cupping her hand in both of mine. I paused and looked down at her hand, happy with my work, I slowly looked up only to catch her eyes with my own. I'm not sure how long we sat there like this, but something in her eyes reminded me of the Emily back before Henry….before Will, and then I remembered the woman earlier today.

She was the first to break the staring contest, she looked down at her hand, turning it slightly, inspecting the bandage. "…thank you…." It was barely above a whisper, and I felt a slight tingle in my fingers and in my stomach as she slowly pulled away, almost caressing my hand in turn.

"no problem" I answered back almost just as quietly. I watched as she slowly stood up to leave. "So…I was thinking maybe we could do lunch today?" I knew what the answer was already, but I admit I was coaxing her, I was curious to see how she was going to react.

She stopped at the doorway with her back towards me, her shoulders seemed to slump "…I'm sorry, today is no good either…I…I have to…" I cut her off before she could come up with some lame excuse, which she seemed to be struggling to do "Hey, no problem, maybe next time… I just wanted to catch up you know… I felt like I haven't talked to you for 10 years" the last part came out a little more softer and rhetorically, quickly aware of the way I sounded, I attempted to laugh it off and fanned my hand in the air, but in honesty I was still disappointed.

She glanced back at me, a mix of expression swept over her face, …guilt? She sighed loudly and turned to look at me, smiling back genuinely. Hey JJ,… how about next Tuesday?...lunch… it's on me", internally an explosion of excitement came over me, but I kept my cool. I smiled back coyly "hmm I don't know" I smirked, I only did it to push her buttons, I laughed as she wore an expression of disbelief, after all the time I have been trying to ask her out for lunch, only to be turned down in return. I quickly recovered my comment "I'd be glad to join you for lunch, I'll be holding you to it too" I coolly began cleaning the mess on my desk.

A crowd of people noisily made their way into the office and Emily turned to join the rest of the population of agents at their desks. Looking up I pouted slightly as I remembered the woman from earlier this morning and mixed thoughts of uneasiness and anxiousness filled my mind.

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><p>AN – just a note if anyone is wondering about the 18.2 and the 19.3 I have been trying to write a lot lately for this story and these are iterations of the last couple chapters.

PLEASE REVIEW ^_^ I've been counting there are over 100 followers and only 40 reviews T_T


	20. Chapter 20

A/N – yay REVIEWS! Thanks everyone, I will try to keep it up and not wait months and months to update. Any waking moment I can spare, I actually have been spending on coming up with ways for this story to go, I have to admit each chapter I write has gone through quite a number of scenarios which is awesome, I hope I choose the one people are liking the most. ^_^

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><p>CHAPTER 20.2<p>

JJ POV

The rest of the day was a craze fest, there were so many reports coming across the table, with the summer hitting its peak it seemed that cases across the country were too. A lot of them I was able to pass to the team to work out general profiles. I was in the bullpen dropping more stacks on everyone's desks, in response grunts and glares of disbelief were thrown all around, when I reached Emily's desk she was nowhere to be found, I scanned the crowd a second time, everyone seemed too busy to even notice.

Pouting I left a few more files on her desk and made my way back to the office, too busy to be able to linger on it any longer. The more I trudged through the pile the more exhausted I got and the more my mind wandered back to the events earlier this morning. Any time I gave my eyes a break I caught myself looking out the office window to the same vacant office chair.

It was the same by the time lunch came around, not wanting to get the brunette in any trouble I forewent mentioning it to anyone. Rubbing my temples, I looked up at the clock. I had already worked away half my lunch break. I decided to set a pile as a goal for the day and decided on just grabbing a sandwich from across the street, as much as I needed a break, I couldn't let this pile up if a case came along.

I had just about finished eating when my phone announced a message from Hotch. It looked like a mass text message to the team 'Emergency team meeting head back to the office'. Glancing out the bull pen, everyone was still out to lunch, everyone would be scrambling back for this. I quickly cleaned up what I could, and headed over Hotch's office.

I knocked on the door twice and entered skipping the formalities, considering the urgency of the text. Hotch was still looking down at his desk. "Hey…is everything ok?", he glanced up "Hi JJ, yeh we just got a high profile case come across my desk, could you pass by the fax, I'll be presenting the case", "Yeh, sure" I replied, with that he got up and started to prepare a couple of files.

I headed for the fax machine across the pen, reaching for the paper I half noticed Emily come into the office and follow me, "Hey, I got the emergency text, do you know what is going on?", grabbing the paper I turned to answer her "uh no, I was just picking this up before heading to the conference…room" I stuttered slightly looking down at the fax. I quickly recovered and looked back up at her, "well…" Emily looked slightly disappointed; not at me or my response, but at her phone which looked like she was frustrated with a message. She turned her attention to me "…well I'll see you in the conference room then" she said blatantly and walked off. I looked back down at the paper in hand, it was a CIA profile sheet with a picture of the woman I had seen with Emily early this morning.

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><p>AN – okay I know it is short, and it is quite a tease, but a lot happened right? The next one might be short as well, only because it breaks well in the story at these points. I will try to not to take long to update between them because they are shorter chapters. Please review ^_^


	21. Chapter 21 and 22

**AN - ** I know I said I would update sooner, school and work have been really busy for me, I have a big break coming up soon so I will be able to finish off the next 2 chapters which are more than half written, hopefully before next weekend. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS, please keep them coming. 2 mini chapters here to try and make up. .

**CHAPTER 21.3**

We herded into the conference room, Hotch stood sternly at the front of the room as I handed off the papers to him and took a seat. "I'm sorry to call you back so urgently during your break, but a high profile case just made it across my desk". He clicks a button on a remote, turning on the screen behind him. Every now and then I glanced back and forth from Emily to the screen, waiting for the one photo to appear.

"A very strange occurrence of events have been finally linked together, the CIA and Interpol didn't admit it at first, but we have been asked to work in collaboration to solve this case", he flicked through a number of photos of what looked like typical murder scenes, next to the crime scene photos would be CIA profile sheets. "Someone has been taking out a number of CIA Special Agents, there were suspicions of an internal breach, however a recent murder has final linked all the agents" and there it was, the photo of the woman I saw this morning with Emily.

My eyes darted to the brunette expecting a reaction. Her eyes were shut, her brow furrowed slightly as if she were meditating. She was compartmentalizing. She must have felt my eyes on her, when she opened them she looked right at me, there was no emotion there, no surprise or turmoil. She turned her attention back to Hotch, so did I. "It seems these agents had at one time briefly met to take down a number of terrorists, which later worked in correspondence with the FBI creating a secret organization which hunts down homebrewed terrorist cells, this woman" Hotch holds the fax up "Mia Townsend, was recently found killed only hours ago".

Reid piped up first "Was there no pattern in the killings to link the murders to begin with?" Hotch answered back "All execution style, evidence of a professional hit in all instances, it took awhile for the pattern to emerge since all the agents have been moved around so much and have gone through such in depth cover ops. Not out of the ordinary in their line of work. The only sign that started to alarm the agency was the efficiency of unraveling the information. A number of agents are being crossed checked on ops they have worked on, so far 3 cases seem to come to light" another screen came up with 3 photos of what looked like organized terrorist rings. "All 3 of these terrorists were cases the CIA agents were working on at some point in the mission, we have been asked to profile each one of these terrorist leaders and cross examine their behavior and their relation with each of these agents. We need to work fast before more bodies add up, I'll be splitting the team into 3, JJ and Rossi you'll be looking into Yuriy Vitaliy Utkin, Russian descent born in Boston. Morgan and Prentiss, Gul Alinejad, Emily your knowledge with the middle eastern culture should provide useful with customs. Reid and myself will take Halina Sokolsky. Garcia you'll be working overhaul with all the groups. We need to get as far as we can as fast as we can" With that all the members dispersed.

"Looks like its you and me princess" Derek said as he got up turning towards Emily. There was no response from Emily as she got up from her chair and tucked it in, my ears itched as I stood up listening in on the exchange. "Prentiss….you ok" Derek stood still looking at Emily, I slowly made my way to the door, "huh?…Yeh…sorry, I'm fine,… sorry I was just thinking about something". I couldn't hear the rest of the conversation as I slowly made my way out the door and bee-lined straight to Garcia's office. A part of me wanted to confide in Hotch, but no matter how I looked at it, the conversation would end up hinting that Emily knew who Mia was and something told me she had some sort of reason for not releasing this bit of information than and there. The only thing I could think of was confronting her about it before this became a trust issue with the rest of the team, after all she didn't know what I saw.

Knocking on the door I barely stopped before letting myself in. "Penel…" "Geez JJ! what's the point in knocking if you are just going to barge in anyway." It looked like she had dropped a pile of papers when I had intruded. "I'm sorry Penelope, I was just in a bit of a rush", "yeh, yeh you and this whole darn building. It's one thing to work on 1 case, even 2 cases I have done, but 3! At the same time?" She breathed in heavily, and looked me straight in the eye. " I WAS going to go on one of my infamous rants, but my head just exploded," shaking her head she continued "anyway, what can I do for you" I half smirked at her, "can you bring up the camera at the East entrance of the building from this morning? Around 6:36 am." She smiled deviously at me "Now THAT, I can do" she swiveled in her chair and started typing.

A camera shot from one of the lamp towers showed the entrance with the SUV already parked with Mia waiting. "What are we looking at?" Penelope asks. "I'm not quite sure, but I THINK that is Mia Townsend" I reply back, just as Emily is shown walking out the front towards the vehicle. Mia already looks like she is arguing with Emily from the open passenger window. "Emily KNOWS Mia Townsend? Why didn't she say anything?" I looked straight at Penelope "I don't know"

**CHAPTER 22**

We watched the rest of the video feed up until it shows me walking toward the entrance doors. "Look, I don't know how Emily is involved with this, but I need you to keep this under wraps until the time is right. Emily is known for having a few secrets, but there has to be a reason why she didn't tell us earlier about Mia." "JJ, I don't…" "Penelope, the RIGHT time" she closed her eyes and sighed like she always did when she felt guilty about something. I felt bad as well, she was constantly being put in this position, but at the same time I knew I could trust her. She sighed and nodded once at me. Smiling back I didn't need to thank her to know how much I appreciated it, I rubbed her shoulder once before heading out to continue with my own investigation.

As I popped out of Garcia's office, I briskly headed toward my office. My hands went into autopilot and started to clear files away and set new ones on my desk I glanced out the toward the bull pen. Everyone was hacking away at their desks, Emily's was vacant. My eyes scanned possibilities, Hotch's office looked empty, his blinds were open and I vaguely saw his figure hunched over his desk. My eyes darted towards the break room, but I didn't find her form among the group of 3 agents. As I was about to look over the desks again I noticed a movement around the glass entrance doorway. Emily's face seemed to scan the pen, her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she held her small carry on in hand. I body froze in place as I watched her, no one else seemed to notice her as she to sneaked towards the elevators. 'Where was she going… ?"

There was a bad feeling in my gut, but instinctively I reached for my gun and my keys and made my way to the stairwell close to the suites behind my office. I rushed down the flight of stairs, popping the door open to one of the exterior exits. I just caught her racing towards her car as I stayed low and made my way to my own vehicle. As soon as I lost sight of her ducking into her vehicle I moving more quickly, I clicked the remote to open the doors, I jumped in and fired up the car and raced towards funneled parking exit.

A/N – yes doesn't it sound familiar with the Ian Doyle Saga. I was debating on using Ian Doyle in this, however with the plot that was done on tv I think it is easily believable that Emily helped take down more terrorists than just Doyle, in response to NightLancer this also brought about the debate on whether this woman would be Tsia Mosley, let's just say she is an equivalent counter part. Hopefully this tidbit of information didn't give away anything more than what you were all thinking already.


	22. Chapter 23

**A/N – sorry I wanted to update with 2 chapters here, but I think a proper break is needed before the next chapter, and I'm debating whether adding some more detail to it that will happen between this one and the next one. Expect the next chapter in a few days. **

**CHAPTER 23.2  
><strong>

I tried to keep up with Emily's luxury sports car as it whipped around town. She seemed pretty occupied to realize she was being tailed, if she knew she wasn't making any rash movements to suggest it. I almost lost her twice but it wasn't long until she pulled up to one of the abandoned train depots on the edge of union station. There was enough activity around the area that I pulled and parked on the street further down from the driveway she turned on.

I quickly checked my glock and contemplated calling the precinct, but had to hurry if I was going to keep up with her. Something in the back of my mind was nagging at me, saying this may be something more than just spying on Emily, but I pushed it to the back of my thoughts and decided leaving the phone would be better in case something happened to the both of us, the team would always have something to piece things together.

Holstering my weapon for now, I jumped out of the SUV and pulled my coat tighter around me as I walked down street through some of the local business area. I slowly approached the drive and peeked in past the fences, not seeing anyone around, I jogged more quickly to the first corner where there used to be a guard gate and pulled out my firearm.

Following the perimeter for one of the less run down buildings, I came across Emily's car. I pulled at every door along the way, all of them seemed to be sealed shut. I was on the third wall perimeter of the building and I was approaching a door that seemed slightly ajar.

I glanced around, still no one in sight, there was a couple cars further down on the other side of the yard that looked out of place which I took note of. I peeked in cautiously before carefully slipping in.

There were a few large machinery pieces and a few boxes. There was more open space to my right, and there were a pile of items stacked to my left. There looked like there was scaffolding above the perimeter of the walls looking down to the center. On the far adjacent wall was an opening large enough for a train car to come in. I made my way to the left where there was more cover. As I turned the corner, the stacks of boxed ended for a few feet next to one of the doors that I passed outside. It was eerily quiet, but as I moved along I heard a murmur of voices. I headed towards them and as I got closer I realized that I didn't recognize either of them, one was a woman and the other was a man's voice.

I came close enough to the make out that they were not speaking English either. As I moved closer to get a view it became harder to find sufficient cover, if anyone came walking around I realized I would be in a really tight situation. For now I kept quiet and tried to keep aware of my surroundings as my mind finally wondered about Emily and where she was.

Looking more closely at the woman I recognized her, she was the woman Hotch presented earlier, it was Halina Sokolsky. Their conversation came to an end as the man looked at his watch. I heard a creak next to me, it was too late, by the time I turned toward the source of the sound there was a sudden sharp pain on the side of my head, my eyes blurred slightly, then there was darkness.


	23. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER 24.6**

...

I came in and out of consciousness, I felt something pulled off of my head, everything was extremely bright, and I tried to blink it away, I faintly heard the sound of Emily's voice arguing not too far away. My head throbbed, then everything blacked again. I awoke with a start from the sound of two shots and then felt another cloth being pulled over my eyes.

...

As I slowly came to the first thing I noticed was the discomfort in my neck, then the throbbing again. I tried to open my eyes, but I felt the slight pressure of a cloth wrapped over my eyes. Slowly my sense came to, I strained my ears to hear anything that would hint about my surroundings, I could faintly hear 2 men speaking, their voices faded as they seemed to be move away. It went quiet for a moment, my mind raced and I tried not to panic, as I realized I was also bound. Finally my sense went into overdrive, I noticed my body rocked side to side slightly and determined that I was in fact on a train. I heard the rhythmic noise of the train running over the tracks. Minutes passed slowly and painfully. I contemplated on whether I should risk speaking up.

Then I felt something shift next to me, I could sense someone shuffling and I bit my lip and involuntarily held my breath. A few seconds later I felt hands on my bindings, and an all too familiar voice whispering to keep silent, I stayed quiet as Emily fiddled with my handcuffs, I felt my face warm as I flustered from her touch. As she lifted off my blindfold, her face was only inches from mine and a relief overwhelmed me as I couldn't help but linger on her features for a moment, "They're in the other cabin, we should make our way to the end" she whispered and pulled me along, we ducked behind a few of the chairs along the way, making stops to see if they noticed are absence.

As she pulled me along I noticed the awkward movement she displayed, how did I not notice the red liquid dripping down one of her hands. So many questions, ducking behind another set of seats I tried to find get some answers, my voice came out more desperate than expected "Do you know where we are? Why were you at the train yard with Halina?", she threw a saddened look in my direction, half paying attention to me and to the distance behind me. "It's a long story…we've only been on the train for a short time, I think we're still on our way out of Washington…You weren't suppose to be there" she said the last bit more angrily, but I could tell it was half-hearted.

Making our way through the last cabin we bolted for the end platform, Emily pulled the door shut and took the safety chain off the ledge and weaved it through the lever to hold it shut.

There were so many more questions but I pushed them all to the back of my mind for the moment as we worked coherently without a word, we were trained agents after all. I leaned over the railing and noticed we were traveling over a bridge overlooking a lake, looking further down I noticed the bridge ended another mile or so away. Pulling back I looked at Emily who had finished securing the door "its about another mile and a half before we can jump off", she nodded and looked through the window peek.

I faintly heard a sound from inside the cabin, she ducked down from the window. "We'll be having company in a few minutes"

I leaned over the railing again and cursed silently at how long it was taking for this train to reach the end of the bridge. A few moments later and we heard banging on the cabin door, and one of the men peeked through angrily, he began pistol-whipping the glass, it probably wasn't going to be long before they tried to shoot their way through.

Emily seemed calmer than I was as she pulled away from the door and leaned against me pushing me towards the edge. I looked over again, another half minute before we reached the landing. As we anxiously waited, I watched half helplessly as they reached through a hole they made in the window and realized it was chained shut, the sounds of the train and the wind and the men shouting were suddenly drowned out by Emily's voice as time seemed to slow

"**Jennifer…." **

Emily's voice came clear as day.

It had been a long time since she had called me by my first name.

I turned to look at her profile as she kept her eyes on the door

She continued….

"…**.I just wanted you to know"**

she turned suddenly,

facing me,

catching me off guard,

leading me back towards the ladder of the platform,

I felt her presence overwhelm me,

I watched as her lips came closer and mouthed

"…**I'm sorry" **

but before I could ask why she closed the distance,

her lips caught mine!

My eyes opened wide in surprise,

I vividly watched as her's closed.

In that moment nothing else existed,

The kiss wasn't aggressive,

or overly passionate,

It was light,

warm

her lips soft,

Sensual and genuine

not unlike the kiss I had dreamt of having with Emily Prentiss

And then…

It seemed like time sped up, the kiss ended as abruptly as it happened ,

She broke contact and leaned her body forward, pressing against me, her lips by my ear, she whispered

"**I never forgot" **

her arm snaked forward as she pushed me off the edge of the train, my view slowly fell lower and lower and I briefly saw the cabin door burst open and one of the men charging out to grab her, I thought I heard a gunshot , but my body was busy instinctively thinking bracing myself for a rough landing as I flew through the air.

* * *

><p>To be continued in<p>

**Unconditional Surrender ACT II – The Story of Em**

A/N – all in all I had an awesome time writing this story, I had an outline for this from the beginning, but there were a few holes in the story, I'm sorry there were so many pauses in between a few chapters, but I was glad they happened, it gave time for the story to grow, develop and change for me. Thank you all for supporting my first fanfiction so far, the second act of this story has been roughly written and I will be releasing the chapters as they complete. Please review, I'm interested to see who saw this coming, I know there was at least one person out there who was suspicious. Hope to see you all in ACT 2.


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